Normal Girl
by CherryDarlingxo
Summary: Cindy just wanted to have it all - the school, city, and life of her dreams. All is well until a series of unpredictable, traumatic events causes her life and sanity to go downhill. Turns out that having it all is just a state of mind, and dreams aren't all they're cracked up to be. The person she finds solace in proves to her that normal is just a made-up, unattainable virtue. JC.
1. i don't think about you

**Y'all, it's my new story. Welcome!**

 **The title was inspired by the song Normal Girl by sza. It's one of my favorites. Listen if you want, but don't feel obligated to.**

 **Longer author's note is at the bottom. I don't own Jimmy Neutron or any familiar characters you read about here. I hope you all enjoy!**

 **Normal Girl**

It became completely clear three weeks, four days, and approximately thirty-five minutes into the first semester of Cindy Vortex's freshman year of college that she had made a huge mistake.

Maybe it wasn't a huge mistake, but several smaller ones that just felt like something astronomical. The wrong university, the wrong classes, the wrong major - they all added up to equal one big fucking mess that she didn't know how to fix.

She'd been so sure of what her future would hold the moment she found out she'd been accepted to Harvard. She was going to be attending her dream school before eventually going on to medical school and be as successful as she'd always planned on being ever since she could remember her mother drilling the idea into her head. Cindy could hardly believe that achieving the first part of her dream had been so easy.

At first it had been hard to put her finger on just what it was about her new life that felt so...off. For the first couple of weeks, she chalked it up to general homesickness. She not only missed her childhood home and Retroville itself, but she also missed Libby and her mother, no matter how overbearing the latter may be.

Slowly, things started to go from feeling 'off' to 'awful' no matter her best efforts at trying to act normal. Every classroom, dining hall, and corner at the library felt lonely despite how beautiful the campus was. Her roommate, Annabelle, had thwarted Cindy's every attempt at becoming friends and was rarely ever in the room. Her classwork was more hands-on and harder than she'd imagined. Sure, she had been in every AP class in high school and had achieved a 4.0, but she'd also fought tooth and nail for everything. It had been exhausting. When she had graduated, she thought that she would be able to relax a little, but she certainly didn't feel relaxed at Harvard.

Now she wasn't so sure what she was doing. She felt like she was floating in a sea of strangers, none of them worth her time and she wasn't worth theirs, either.

Never the one to accept defeat even when it was staring her in the face, Cindy just straightened her shoulders and told herself that none of this mattered. So what if it took time to adjust? She had nearly four years at this school ahead of her. That was plenty of time. All she really had to do was make good grades and do a little networking until it came time to graduate and move on to the next phase in her life plan. In the grand scheme of things, she was lucky. She was going to an ivy league. Others would kill to be where she was now, and she'd be damned if she didn't take advantage of the position she was in.

-0-0-0-0-0-

A few days later, the pep talk she'd given herself was losing its magic. She talked to Libby on the phone every other day - they swore to each other that their friendship wouldn't suffer just because Cindy was in Boston and Libby happened to be attending school in Florida. Usually a chat with her best friend would raise her spirits but lately she was feeling more and more envious. Libby had already made a few new friends and loved her classes. It was hard to keep an upbeat attitude when in reality she was feeling pretty glum. She didn't dare tell Libby the truth; the truth being that she felt like a huge loser for sitting alone for all her meals, not having made a single friend yet.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. That meant the only other person she could turn to was her _mother_.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she dialed the familiar number and it only rang once before her mother answered. "Cynthia!" She exclaimed loudly, nearly bursting the blonde's eardrum. "Why are you calling me in the middle of the day? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Cindy said quickly.. "I just have a break between classes and thought I'd...check in."

Her voice couldn't be very assuring at all. In fact, she felt a little like crying from the moment she'd heard her mother's voice.

"How is school?"

The last thing she wanted to talk about was the state of her life with her overbearing mother, but she retold the details of her classes and promised that she was doing well. She knew her mother considered bragging an art form; it was to be done as humbly and smoothly as possible. Over the years Cindy had perfected it to suit her mother's needs.

"I'm so happy to hear that you're doing well in all your classes," she said warmly when Cindy finished speaking. "But we had this exact same conversation last week. I'm going to ask you again and I want a real answer this time. Is everything okay?"

 _Damn_. She'd been caught. She'd always been a bad liar, especially to those who knew her pretty well.

"I told you everything is fine, mom. I just...I miss you, I guess," Cindy said a little awkwardly. Emotions weren't her forte; neither was the skill of expressing them appropriately. That was another trait she'd gotten from her mother, after all. "I feel so far away."

There was silence on the other end of the line and she even pulled the phone back from her ear to see if they were still connected when the quiet stretched on for too long.

"I know it must be hard, especially with everything that happened in the past year," her mother said quietly, causing Cindy to wince at the reminder. The worst part was that her mom didn't know the half of it. "But I know you, you're my daughter. You're strong and capable."

"Thank you," she replied. "I guess I just needed to hear that. I feel better already."

That part was true, she did feel a little better. More grounded. That feeling was ruined by the next thing that popped out of Sasha Vortex's mouth.

"Oh good! And if you ever feel homesick again, maybe you should give that Neutron boy a call. I heard from his mother that he's going to school up there, too."

Cindy took a deep breath as she tried to keep from shrieking. It wouldn't be conducive to her friend-search if she was scaring away everyone around her. But the Harvard campus, which had seemed so vast and unfamiliar just a few minutes ago, was suddenly closing in on her.

"It's such a small world," her mother was saying.

That was an understatement.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Of all the places he could go and the schools that were throwing money and scholarships his way, Jimmy Neutron just had to choose the same city that Cindy was now living in. She hung up the phone after promising her mother that she'd call Jimmy if she felt so inclined - but that had been a lie. She didn't intend on having any sort of interaction with the genius. She was also pretty sure she had deleted his number from her phone months ago.

The fact that she'd gone so long without seeing him anywhere on campus meant that 1) he was either so far ahead of her that he was in advanced classes already or 2) he wasn't actually attending Harvard undergrad. There were other schools around. Her mother hadn't exactly been specific when she'd said 'up there.' Either way, Cindy was grateful. She could've gone the rest of her life without anyone mentioning his name in her presence.

Senior year and the summer before it hadn't been the most pleasant for Cindy. She supposed that's why she felt so bummed out by her less than magical Harvard experience thus far; she'd been expecting it to be better than the life she had left behind, and so far it was severely lacking.

Jimmy had graduated a whole year early after deciding to accept an internship with the research team at NASA. It was the offer of a lifetime - everyone (well, almost everyone) agreed that he'd be an idiot to turn it down. It meant that he'd have to leave home and high school earlier than he'd probably planned, but he would be doing what he had dreamed of doing without even needing a college degree first. He had proved himself to others already.

Cindy cursed her mother for bringing Jimmy up in conversation. Now she'd undoubtedly be thinking of him the rest of the day if not longer. She wondered why he was already leaving his position at NASA. She had assumed that his year long internship would turn into a lifelong career. But, she should've known better than to assume anything when it came to him.

 _Maybe he felt the same way I do_ , she thought. _Dreams aren't all they are cracked up to be_.

That train of thought was ridiculous and she shut it down immediately. The last thing she needed was to be relating to - even in her own mind - to someone who didn't give a shit about her existence at all.

-0-0-0-0-0-  
 _Flashback_

The last week of July had always felt like a goodbye in Cindy's mind with or without the going away party she was currently getting ready for. School was merely a couple weeks away and this year would feel different just because it was the last. She had college applications to perfect and a valedictorian speech to prepare. With Jimmy graduating early, that meant she was technically the current number one spot holder for their class. She'd _won_. But the school board insisted that he come back for the graduation ceremony and he'd likely be giving his own speech, which would outshine hers in the long run. Victory had been so sweet but too short for her liking.

The weather was miserably hot, which called for skimpy outfits if Libby and Cindy were going to be fighting their way through a sweaty mass of teenage bodies at Jimmy's party. It was bound to be the party of the year - the genius' popularity had risen over recent years, and his peers were sad to see him go. They also loved an excuse to listen to loud music and take jello shots on a Saturday night.

Cindy felt a little uncomfortable in the tight, black dress that was a few inches shorter than she preferred, especially since it was strapless, too. Nearly a dozen scars that varied in shades of color - from fading white to healing pink - littered her tanned skin; on her shoulders, forearms, the backs of her hands. They were hard to hide in the Texan summer and right now she felt as if she were walking scar tissue on display.

"That dress is hot!" Libby exclaimed as she watched her friend look in the mirror with sad eyes. "Do you want me to do your hair? I'm all done."

Cindy agreed and sat down as Libby turned a curling iron on. She was content to watch her previously stick-straight hair turn into waves right before her eyes.

"Man, life is not going to be the same without you and Jimmy fighting like cats and dogs in every class," Libby commented suddenly.

"Life might be _peaceful_ for once," Cindy replied.

Libby snorted at that. "Sure, but you know you'll be bored as hell with no one to compete with."

Cindy was actually afraid that Libby was right about that, but didn't speak her thoughts on the matter. She'd done her best so far to keep from thinking about Jimmy leaving. Life would be different without him, indeed. She guessed she would soon find out if it would be a good or bad kind of different.

By the time the two girls arrived at the location of the party - right across the street from Cindy's house, of course - it was already dark outside. The Neutron house was nearly vibrating from the loud music playing inside of it.

They had to fight their way through the throng of people in the living room, just as they'd expected, to get to the promise of drinks and more familiar faces in the kitchen. Sheen and Carl were there, looking as if they were taking their jobs as drink and food handlers a little too seriously.

"Drink, m'lady?" Sheen said to Libby, delicately pouring her a cup of liquor-laced punch from the bowl as she giggled. Cindy rolled her eyes. She kept waiting for the disgusting flirtation for the two of them to end, but it had been over two years of dating for the couple and the honeymoon phase was still going strong.

She got tired of waiting and grabbed a cup, not even bothering with the ladle that Sheen wouldn't let go of for anything. She just dipped the cup inside the bowl, not caring about the mess she was bound to make.

"I did not just see you do that," the guest-of-honor drawled as he came to stand beside her at the kitchen counter.

"See me do what, Neutron?" She asked innocently, wiping the cup off with a questionably clean napkin. He just sent her a playful grimace in response. "How's your party treating you? Everything you dreamed of and more?"

He shrugged. "There's a lot of people here that I don't know. I'm not really sure how the party got so big so fast, either."

"Want me to scare them off?" She asked mischievously.

"Are you offering to be my security guard, Vortex?" He asked, quirking a brow and grabbing a cup from the stack and pouring himself a drink since Sheen was now distracted with Libby's presence.

"Well, I don't know who else is fit for the job. You've got dumb and dumber over there working the snack table so I figured I would offer," she replied.

When they weren't fighting even over the smallest things, this is how most of their interactions would go - a subtle flirting match with plenty of underlying tension that may or may not be of the sexual nature. Or maybe it was just regular old anger, Cindy wasn't sure.

She couldn't lie and convince herself that she wasn't attracted to him. He'd grown up nicely over the years; taller and more muscular that most boys her age. He was no longer the annoying, shorter-than-her boy she knew when she was twelve. She made herself feel better by thinking about how _wrong_ it would be for the two of them to be anything but friendly rivals. They were too much alike.

Besides, she was only two days away from missing her chance. He was leaving on Monday for California and their lives wouldn't cross paths again for almost a year when graduation came. A lot could happen between now and then. There was no need to bring up any sort of feelings to him that she might have. She would just have to get over it.

She'd told Libby this a million times. Her friend always replied slyly, _maybe you should get under him instead of over him_ and Cindy would just change the subject entirely.

A sudden burst of noise caused the gang to look towards the entryway to the kitchen, where a newly graduated Betty Quinlan was being ushered into the room with one of her friends.

Betty and Jimmy had a rocky past. They'd been in an on and off relationship for the better of two years, and they were currently in an off stage - this one was seemingly permanent with both parties leaving town indefinitely.

Cindy recognized the panicked look in Jimmy's eye as soon as he saw it was his ex-girlfriend in the room with them. Luckily, Betty seemed pretty drunk and hadn't noticed there was anyone else in the room with them. Yet.

"If you're still having doubts about my talents as your security detail, then you should see me in action," Cindy said to Jimmy quietly. She slammed the rest of her drink in the most classy manner she could before turning her attention to the girls across the room.

"Alright, Quinzilla, party's over."

It didn't take much to get the angry brunette out of the kitchen and all the way out to the front porch. Surprisingly, the unknown friend thanked Cindy for her help and the two of them left the party.

"That was impressive," Jimmy told her as she went back into the kitchen. They all clapped for her politely and she curtsied.

"Am I hired?" she asked as he poured her another drink.

"Oh, definitely. We can talk about payment later," he winked at her, and she nearly dropped the cup he handed her. She ignored the curious look she received from Libby from a few feet away.

The rest of the night was uneventful in terms of drunk ex-girlfriend's showing up to ruin parties. Everyone was getting increasingly rambunctious as the night went on, and Cindy sought solace from the rising temperatures inside in favor of sneaking out to Jimmy's backyard, which was mostly empty except for the genius himself.

"I don't think you're supposed to be skipping out on your own party," she said, finding it harder to speak clearly thanks to the sickly-sweet concoction she was still drinking.

He jumped at the sound of voice, clearly not knowing she was behind him as he sat on a bench that was on the porch. "I needed a breather," he replied.

"Everyone is so enthusiastic. It's sickening."

He laughed at her pessimistic tone. She sat down next to him on the bench and they both stared into the darkness that stretched out behind the Neutron house. Cindy kept stealing glances at him - he was acting oddly and she didn't think alcohol was completely at fault.

"Are you excited?" She asked. "To leave, I mean."

"For the most part. It'll be a new experience, that's for sure," he said, but his words lacked strength behind them and so they fell flat, making him sound like a bad actor that had memorized the lines of script but couldn't deliver them.

"Uh, yeah. Okay. Let's try this again, and this time I'll ask a better question. Why aren't you excited?"

He turned to look at her, finally, and his eyes were intense. "I really am looking forward to going. It's just that leaving will be hard, you know? I won't be able to see my family every day. Or you guys."

"Aw, Neutron is going to miss us," she teased him, nudging him with her elbow until he cracked a smile. "You know we'll miss you too, right?"

She was uncomfortable admitting it, even though the liquor was giving her confidence to say what she was feeling. She didn't like talking about sappy stuff, and everyone knew it. It was Jimmy's turn to tease her now. He leaned back a little, stretching his arm on the back of the bench behind her, the tips of his fingers just barely grazing her arm. She shivered from the contact anyway.

"Careful, Vortex. You might just convince me that you have feelings."

"Even if you ran me over with a truck I'd never admit to missing you, but you can imagine that the feeling is there somehow."

"I have a good imagination," he said quietly, giving her an intense look said more than what he was willing to say aloud. Cindy cleared her throat a little awkwardly.

"Besides, you'll be back to give a speech at graduation. Just don't upstage mine, please."

"The principal didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I talked to him weeks ago about graduation. I told him I'm not giving a speech like they want."

"Oh my god, Nerdtron, what's wrong with you?"

"It's exactly what you said. You're the valedictorian and I don't want to upstage you," he said with a smirk.

She huffed and nudged him in the ribs. The hand that had barely been touching her was fully grabbing her arm now, pushing her closer to him on the bench. "Kidding, of course. Then he came up with the idea of us giving our speeches together."

"Like...sharing?"

"I told him you'd hate that idea. Unless you agree to it, I'm not giving one."

"You're being awfully generous," she said suspiciously, narrowing her eyes. He just looked away.

"I realize that I haven't been the most gracious person over the years. Think of it as a long overdue apology for all the shit I put you through over the years. If anyone actually deserves the speech, it's you."

That was enough to make up Cindy's mind. She wasn't sure if the close proximity or the alcohol or the combination of both was messing with her mind, but she was about to go off the deep end. She'd deal with the consequence of regret later.

"Let's just do it together then."

He looked at her in alarm. "Say again?"

"You deserve the speech too, no matter how badly I don't want to admit it. Plus I'm pretty sure your parents would be devastated if you didn't give one."

"You might have a point with that. But you're okay with this?"

"If I have to share it with someone, at least it's you," she said without thinking, and immediately regretted it. He had that intense look in his eyes again, and he didn't look interested in letting the comment go.

"What does that mean?" He asked. She busied herself by taking a huge gulp of her drink and not looking at him. He poked her in the arm but she ignored it.

"What?" she asked after a minute, and by that time the moment had been ruined. He just laughed in half-disbelief and half-frustration.

"I should probably go inside now. You coming?"

She nodded and followed him through the sliding door, dreading the humid air that would hit her once she was inside. Her sandal got caught on the doorway, causing her to trip slightly much to her embarrassment. She was able to save herself from falling over completely, only landing one one hand and knee. As she landed, she felt a crunch and searing pain underneath her hand.

Glass.

Pain shot up her arm, dulled from shock and the alcohol in her system. She raised the hand slowly, almost scared to see what damage was done. There was a long cut in the palm of her hand that was oozing blood steadily, but it didn't seem too deep. She could only focus on the blood, though - it was warm and sticky and just looking at it made her feel a little lightheaded. It was a familiar feeling, and all she could think about was the sound of crunching glass over and over again.

"Damn it!" She could hear Jimmy curse from somewhere. "Who the fuck drops a bottle and doesn't do anything about it?"

If she could, she would've snapped out of it. She would've stood up and laughed it off, or yelled at the person to blame for dropping the bottle. But the blood was there, and it was giving her deja vu. Everything around her felt far away, like she wasn't really there.

She distantly felt Jimmy helping her stand and could hear Libby's voice - she was following them as Jimmy lead her upstairs.

"You need to make sure there's no glass in the cut before you wrap it," she was saying. "Clean all the blood off, Jimmy. I'm serious. The blood freaks her out."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it. Thank you, Libby." He ushered her into the bathroom and shut the door, blocking out Libby's words. Cindy finally seemed to snap out of her reverie then, looking at him curiously. "She was crowding you a little."

"She means well."

"You know, we hadn't even talked about payment yet. I was going to add you to my special security guard insurance plan but you already hurt yourself on the job. I don't really want you to sue me," he rambled, all the while inspecting her hand for any signs of a tiny glint of a glass shard in the cut.

"Too bad. I want workman's compensation."

"My insurance rates are going to go through the roof," he muttered, turning on the water and testing the temperature before urging her to put her hand underneath. The warm water stung but she didn't flinch. She could hear Jimmy rummaging through a closet behind her, but she just watched the blood swirl around the sink until it went down the drain. The new cut on her palm was a sharp contrast to one of the white and pink lines just above it on her forearm.

"Hey," Jimmy said loudly, touching a hand to her jaw, forcing her to look at him. "I don't know where you keep going but it's starting to scare me. Did you hit your head? I can take you to the hospital. Just say the word."

She didn't expect him to understand. "No, I'm fine. I probably just drank too much."

He didn't seem to believe that but didn't say anything else. He dropped some supplies onto the counter and in one sudden move, he had lifted her onto the counter like she was a little kid with a scraped knee from a bicycle accident.

She watched as he wet a rag and she took it from him, not liking how helpless she felt. The cut was still bleeding steadily and she knew that it should probably wait to be cleaned and bandaged until it slowed down. The pain from it was starting to settle into mind, and she winced slightly as she closed her hand around the towel.

"Here, let me help you," he said quietly, taking the wet rag from her hand. Cindy was unnerved with having him so close to her all of a sudden. She watched as he pressed on the cut on her palm firmly, waiting until the bleeding slowed.

Turning her arm over, he looked curiously at the scars that blazed a trail up her arm in a random pattern. Everyone was aware of what happened to her earlier that year. No one ever talked about it or brought it up, not even Libby. Not even her mother. Cindy had made it perfectly clear months ago that it wasn't allowed to be a topic of casual conversation. She especially didn't want to talk about it now, while she was drunk and bleeding all over his bathroom.

He surprised her by running a finger over one of the lines, and her first instinct was to pull away, feeling embarrassed. Past experience told her that being vulnerable in front of the boy genius usually ended badly. He kept holding onto her hand, though, refusing to let her turn into herself as a form of defense. She was used to doing that.

"Do they hurt?" he asked. He was so close to her now that she could see every shade of blue in his eyes.

"S-sometimes. Not too bad," she replied, feeling a little breathless. He leaned down and pressed his lips gently to one, and then another. He kept his touch soft but firm. Her heart was threatening to beat right out of her chest. He abandoned her arm only to look straight at her. The look in his eyes was a serious one, but there was a touch of fondness to them as he brushed her hair behind her ear on the same side a long, thin scar sat on her temple. He ran his finger down that one, too. "Jimmy-"

She didn't know what she was going to say to him, but it didn't matter. He didn't let her get the words out.

Jimmy kissed the same way he argued and talked about science. He was passionate and put everything he had toward the cause. His hands were everywhere, never settling on one place for too long; flitting over her thighs, waist, coming to rest on her back before starting the rotation over again. Sneaking dangerously close to spots and places that Cindy had never let anyone else touch before. Enough of a graze to make her gasp, making him smile deviously against her lips, but not solid enough to be completely satisfying.

He could sense when she needed to breathe and his lips trailed from hers down her neck instead, sucking on her pulse point lazily. At some point she'd dropped the rag in her hand, and she hoped that she wasn't bleeding again.

"Why did it take so long for us to do this?" He murmured against her neck, and Cindy couldn't find her voice to answer. He didn't seem to want one anyway. There were a lot of things she could reply with; Betty Quinlan, their shared stubbornness, denial.

Cindy tried not to get left behind, doing her best to make him gasp the same way he'd done to her by pulling his lips back up to hers, catching his bottom lip in her teeth. Judging by the nearly undetectable shudder that went through his body, he approved.

He put a hand on each one of her knees, moving them apart so he could get closer. Cindy wrapped her legs around him instinctively, finally able to feel his hard body pressed against hers. He was somehow taller this way too, having to lean down even more to press his lips to hers as she wrapped her arms around him, splaying her hands wide against his back.

Her breath hitched even further as he slid a hand up one of her thighs slowly. As one of his fingers touched the edge of the panties she was wearing, she jumped slightly. He breathed a laugh at her against her lips, and she realized that this was yet another area of life that he would have the upper hand if she wasn't careful. She boldly pressed a hand to the front of his jeans, and she could tell how hard he was even through the fabric. He pulled back from her lips slightly and made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. She couldn't help the sly smile that slid across her face. He caught the look and just sent her a playful glare.

"You're evil, Vortex, you know that?" He said, his voice rougher than usual. He slid a hand down the front of her body slowly with the intent to torture her, just brushing past her breasts and sneaking under her hiked up dress, into her underwear and _oh my god, he's the evil one,_ she thought to herself. He kissed her again, and she grabbed ahold of his other arm which was leaning on the counter as a means of support. The movement put pressure against her the cut on her palm painfully, and she could tell that she was bleeding again - the thought of that flipped a switch in her brain immediately.

She wanted to keep going, but something inside of her felt uneasy, broken. It wasn't as if Jimmy was the problem; in fact she liked the feel of his strong hands and how they touched her, and how his kisses had a touch of desperation to them, like she was going to disappear into thin air. But she didn't feel like herself and deep down she knew it wasn't the alcohol at fault - she hadn't felt normal in quite awhile. It was like her mind wanted to disconnect from her body and it was easier to let it happen rather than fight it. A thick fog threatened to wrap around her brain and threatened to cut her off from the rest of the world. Sure, she'd lose the ability to feel emotions that way, but she'd also learned to utilize it as a coping skill rather than treat it as a nasty side effect of trauma-induced horror. This was one of the few times that she _didn't_ want it to happen though. She wanted to experience what could possibly happen with him, but she couldn't. Not when it felt like there was a glass cage separating her from her emotions. Her from the rest of the world.

Besides, he was leaving in two days and they couldn't do this. It was too late for them.

She used both of her hands against his chest to push him away gently and he stopped kissing her, giving her a confused look. The fact that it hadn't even occurred to him how bad of an idea this was truly spoke to how much he'd drank throughout the evening, and that further justified her decision to stop what they were doing.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing," she replied out of habit, even though there _was_ something wrong. She scrambled for something to say that wouldn't be weird. "It's just...we're in your bathroom, Neutron. Maybe this isn't the place."

He wrapped his hands around her waist, not picking up on what she was saying. "We can go to my room."

"No, Jimmy, that's not what I meant," she said, dodging his kiss. "This isn't really the right time, either."

She also wanted to tell him that she was slightly fucked up. She wanted to say all the things she was feeling, but none of it made sense to her. She felt like a stranger to herself, nothing felt real. There was no way he would understand that.

"The place I understand, but the time? C'mon Vortex, give me a break," he replied, and she was taken aback by the touch of anger in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really going to sit there after all of that and tell me you don't have feelings for me?" His voice was growing louder with each word.

"Can you stop yelling? What the fuck is wrong with you?" She retorted, finally thinking to straighten her dress out and hop off the counter.

"Are you not even going to answer my question?" He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on it with frustration.

"I'm not having this discussion with you. You're clearly wasted, and you don't know what you're doing."

"You'll say whatever you think will make you feel better, huh?" He laughed humorlessly. "I'm not Nick, Cindy. This wouldn't have happened if you didn't want it to. I _know_ you have feelings for me too."

When she didn't reply right away, he shook his head and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Just like that, they leapt back over the line they'd crossed, falling back into the familiar pattern of fighting or nothing at all. Cindy clenched her hands and flinched when she felt the blood oozing out of the cut on her palm.

She just hoped that this one wouldn't leave a mark.

 _End flashback_

-0-0-0-

 **It's okay to be confused! I'm sort of intending this story to be a little confusing/mysterious for the first few chapters. It'll make sense (hopefully) the more you read, but if you have any questions please feel free to ask me in a review or message.**

 **Flashbacks will be featured in every chapter (for the first several ones) but they will NOT go in chronological order. I know that doesn't make sense right now but as long you pay attention to the smaller details, I promise you won't be too confused about the plot.**

 **A few disclaimers: take all the guesses you want about how Cindy got the scars mentioned. The only thing I'll say is that they are not from self-harm. I know NASA is technically based in Texas (I think) but there is definitely a research center in California. I know because I looked it up, haha. This story might be dark at times, especially in the upcoming chapters. It features content focused around mental illnesses, alcohol abuse, traumatic events, sexual scenes, etc. The rating will go up to M eventually.**

 **PLEASE leave a review if you read this. I would really appreciate it. And if you want to read more from me, go to my profile and read the shorter stories I have or my other longer ones :) Thank you!**


	2. new light

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed this story so far! I appreciate all of you.**

 **If you've never seen** _ **Steel Magnolias**_ **, do me a favor and watch a clip or two on Youtube so you can hear Julia Roberts' awful southern accent. It's pretty funny. Also, if you've never seen _Gone With the Wind_ , don't worry. I mention it in this chapter but it's not super important!**

 **Normal Girl**

'Alert' was not the right word for Cindy's approach to campus life. She was downright suspicious. Every time she turned a corner, she was on the lookout for someone with a familiar dark head of hair and bright blue eyes. It was hard to concentrate on where she was walking while doing so, and had nearly ran into many students and professors alike.

A week passed after the eventful phone conversation with her mother, and still no Jimmy Neutron could be found on the Harvard campus. And she'd been everywhere - the library, dining hall, hallways of dorms she didn't live in and classrooms where she didn't have a class in. She wanted to know if he was there...so she could successfully avoid him forever.

"How are things going?" Libby asked her during one of their many in-depth phone calls.

"Going good. I heard something interesting from my mom."

"What is it?" her friend asked eagerly, always up for a piece of gossip.

"Jimmy's going to school in Boston too. Isn't that funny?" Libby was quiet on the other end and Cindy groaned. "Why didn't you tell me? A little warning would've been nice!"

"Cindy, you never want to talk about Jimmy. Every time I bring him up you change the subject. How was I supposed to tell you?"

She had a point. "I don't know, talk over me?"

Libby snorted. "Yeah right. That would go over well. So does that mean you two are on speaking terms now?"

"No way. I haven't even seen him."

"It's only a matter of time."

"Don't say that," Cindy snapped. "I want to keep pretending he doesn't exist."

"Whatever you say," Libby replied with a sigh. "Not all feuds have to last forever, you know."

"Not all friends should keep secrets!"

Cindy couldn't stay mad at her best friend for more than five minutes, though. She was mostly calm by the time they ended the phone call. Life would move on. If she hadn't seen him by _now_ , she probably wouldn't ever run into him.

It was Friday, and Cindy was spending yet another night working on homework and trying not to feel lonely as she could tell Annabelle was getting ready for another night out. Her roommate was quite the social butterfly. Cindy knew there were school events going on nearly every night of the week in the first few months of classes, but she never attended them whereas Annabelle probably went to all of them.

She just couldn't bear the thought of going alone.

"Hey," Cindy said suddenly, an idea forming in her head. "What are you up to tonight?"

Annabelle sent her a mild look of surprise. "I'm going to an event at Houghton Library."

"Sounds fun."

The conversation died off abruptly as Annabelle didn't reply - she seemed too focused on fixing her hair - and Cindy didn't know what else to say. She hadn't realized that she was so awful at making friends until this very moment. She'd had Libby at her side for so long she hadn't really _needed_ any other friends, nor wanted them. She felt a little pathetic and embarrassed by her attempt at socializing and tried to refocus on her homework.

She was interrupted when Annabelle slid a flyer into the book she was pretending to read. It read _Rethinking Enlightenment: Forgotten Women Writers of Eighteenth Century France._ The date, time, and location were listed underneath. When Cindy looked up at her roommate, she was surprised to see the other girl actually smiling.

"You want to come with me?" Hope began to bloom slowly inside of her.

"Uh, sure."

The event was supposed to start in thirty minutes, so Cindy rushed around for awhile to get ready, scrambling to find something appropriate. She didn't want to be too dressed up or too casual, so she slyly copied Annabelle's skirt and button-up blouse combo with a little variation on her end. As she glanced at herself in the mirror, she realized she looked every bit of the preppy Harvard girl that she always dreamed of being, but she wasn't sure how that actually felt.

In her hurry to find a specific pair of shoes, Cindy made the mistake of flipping one of her still unpacked duffel bags over on her bed, causing every item inside to tumble out. She forgot that was there she was currently hiding her medication - zoloft and xanax all neatly packaged in orange bottles stared back at her on the bed. She quickly shoved them back in the bag. The rattling noise they made were deafening to her own ears.

 _Great_ , she thought. _Now she knows I'm crazy_.

Shoving the shoes on her feet, she turned to gauge Annabelle's reaction. The girl was sitting on her bed looking at her phone. She looked up at Cindy, sensing her gaze, and stood up. "Ready to go?" She walked towards the door without answering.

Cindy let out a breath of relief before following her.

Despite her outfit, Cindy didn't feel like she fit in much with her Harvard peers. Most of them came from rich families, and they participated in elite activities like polo and horse racing. They owned yachts. They shopped exclusively from designer stores. They paid their tuition in full with no help from the government, and even had some to spare.

Although Harvard bragged about their diversity, she was sure that didn't mean financial or social class diversity. At one point in her life, Cindy and her family might have been considered rich, too. Rich for Retroville, anyway. It wasn't as if she could be angry at anyone's position in life - it wasn't her fault that she was dependent on student loans and financial aid to attend an ivy league just as much as it wasn't their fault that they had the money in the bank to live off of.

None of that made her feel better, though. She was still a lower middle-class girl from Texas - she grew up in a low-populated town that bordered with livestock and fields. She didn't really fit in. That was okay. She would figure it out.

Cindy didn't consider the event about women writers in France to be very interesting. She appreciated the event for what it was, but Enlightenment was about as fun to learn about as it was to scrape wallpaper off walls. It was tiresome.

A glance at Annabelle told her that the brunette felt the same way. "This is a snooze-fest," Annabelle whispered. "Why are we here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Cindy whispered back, and the pair earned a glare from an older woman standing near them at the exhibit.

"Let's just say I was looking to get into someone's pants," she replied abruptly, causing Cindy to nearly choke on air. "I heard he was going to be here, but I don't see him anywhere. Let's get out of here."

They left the library quickly, and Cindy reveled in the feeling of the cool night air supplied by the upcoming season change. It was one thing she was growing to like about her new home. In Texas it rarely got below forty degrees in the winter. She was looking forward to experiencing snow on a regular basis.

She was a little sad that their night was already coming to a close. They hadn't talked very much, but she'd gotten to learn that Annabelle was a native to Boston and was her field of concentration was the Classics, which sounded even worse than studying Enlightenment.

"So, Texas, anything else on your agenda for tonight?" Annabelle asked as they walked slowly back towards their dorm.

"Texas?"

"Yeah, isn't that where you're from?"

"Well, yeah. But you do know my name, right? It's not hard to remember. Maybe Harvard needs to rescind their approval of your application."

She hadn't meant to sound rude, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Luckily for her, Annabelle didn't take offense. She erupted in a fit of laughter instead.

"Wow, okay," the girl finally said when she controlled herself. "I deserved that. But haven't you heard yourself? You might be the only girl in our dorm with an accent that reminds me of that one movie."

"Do I even want to know what you're talking about?"

Annabelle's face lit up. "Oh, I remember now. _Steel Magnolias_. Have you ever seen that one, with Julia Roberts and how she needs a kidney or something?" She started laughing again.

Cindy was just starting to feel self-conscious when she realized that Annabelle was messing with her. There was no way she sounded like that whether she was a Texan transplanted into a New England state or not - she'd done her best to blend her voice in with the masses the minute she'd stepped off the plane nearly a month ago.

"Keep laughing, but you sound like the female version of Mark Wahlburg." That comment only served to increase Annabelle's laughter and this time she joined in.

"Fine, we're even now. I was just messing with you anyways - your accent isn't that bad compared to some others I've heard. Although I can definitely tell you're not from around here."

"I wish I could say the same for you."

"That hurts, Texas. You truly show no mercy." By that time, the two had made it back to their dorm. Cindy reached for the main door handle but Annabelle stopped her. "You never answered my question."

"Huh?"

"What are you doing tonight?" Annabelle asked on a frustrated sigh.

"Oh...nothing, I suppose. Homework."

A sly grin broke out on the other girl's face, leaving Cindy feeling a little uneasy.

"Want to go to a party?"

-0-0-0-0-0-

Annabelle was pretty. She had long hair with straight across bangs and blue eyes. She was tall, even for a girl, and she towered over Cindy's 5'2'' frame with an impressive 5'11'' height. First impressions were important, but when it came to her roommate Cindy realized they didn't mean much. She had previously thought of Annabelle as being quiet, stuck-up, and too serious. She was quickly realizing, though, that she was anything but those things. The girl was currently dragging her out of the safety of Harvard's campus and towards the bright lights of the city that surrounded them, and she talked a _lot_. She never stopped talking, actually.

"-then I told him I wanted to see him this weekend, but what does he do? He doesn't even show up to the exhibit. Do you think I wanted to actually spend time learning about some boring ass writers from the 1700's? Absolutely not," she was saying.

"Hey, those 'boring ass writers' were some pretty important women," Cindy replied, only half-serious. The exhibit had been painful to say the least.

"Well sure, but I'm more interested in getting dicked down, you know? Isn't that a form feminism too? Demanding what I deserve?"

Cindy was appalled for only a moment before she laughed at Annabelle's ridiculous commentary. She had a feeling they were going to get along just fine. She was no Libby Folfax, but that was okay. She was just happy that she wasn't sitting in her dorm all alone _again_.

"Where are we going?" She asked as they rounded another block. Annabelle had yet let go of her hand, and she was doing her best to avoid running into people that were walking on the same sidewalk as them.

"My older brother goes to Boston University. Him and his friends have parties all the time there and I've always wanted to go."

"You mean you don't know where you're going?"

"Of course I do, Texas. I live in this city, remember?"

"Sure, but I think we've already been on this street."

Annabelle stopped abruptly, causing Cindy to run into her. "I think you're right. Maybe we should call an uber."

Cindy was happy to do her sight-seeing from the backseat of a Nissan as opposed to running down darkened city streets. She'd only wished she would have gone exploring sooner. Something about being right in the middle of a chaotic urban sprawl made her feel better. Boston University was right on the river, and so was the tall building that Annabelle's brother lived in. As she followed her roommate out of the car and near the apartment, she began to feel nervous, the magical feeling that had grown in the car popping like a soap bubble.

They took the elevator to the top floor and there were people everywhere. In the lobby, the hallways, entering and exiting apartments. This time Annabelle did seem to know where she was going, and they finally stopped at a door listed as 67.

The air in the apartment was thick with smoke, and Cindy could tell it wasn't all from cigarettes. It wasn't as crowded as she had expected, which somehow made her more nervous. Annabelle lead her to the living room, where a small group of guys were talking. She was introduced to them, but she she would never remember all of their names. The dark-haired boy that was pointed out as Annabelle's brother was named Austin, and she thought one other was named Frederick.

"This is my friend Cindy," she was introduced as, and she got a few head nods. One of them passed her a drink. In the back of her mind she had a voice telling her not to drink it, but she was pretty sure that she wasn't stuck in a bad situation. She felt a little more relaxed when Annabelle started drinking hers.

She said hello to the group and received an odd look from Austin. "Where are you from, Scarlett O'Hara?"

It was a god awful joke, but the rest of the group started laughing immediately. Annabelle just rolled her eyes.

"I don't quite understand the joke," Cindy started sarcastically. "I doubt you're implying that I look like Vivien Leigh, so I assume you think I sound like her portrayal of Scarlett in _Gone With the Wind_ , but Vivien was British so her Southern accent wasn't the best. I'm starting to believe that you've never seen the movie at all since Scarlett was from Georgia, and I'm from Texas. Is there something I'm missing here?"

This time her roommate was the only one that laughed and Cindy only received several odd looks from the guys. She assumed they didn't like that she was self-analyzing their collective sense of humor.

"Harvard girls are weird," one of them muttered under their breath.

"Cindy gets a little touchy about her accent but you can call her Texas like I do if you're brave enough," Annabelle announced. Cindy just rolled her eyes, and she downed her drink to calm her nerves.

The cup was out of her hand in the next second and Annabelle flounced off towards the kitchen in search of what she guessed could be refills. She thought about following but that was a coward move. She felt like she was a gazelle amongst lions.

"So, Texas," Austin drawled. "I hope you're watching out for my sister. She's a little oblivious sometimes."

It was the exact opposite of what she was expecting him to say. She was prepared for another joke or maybe the cold shoulder, but he looked honestly concerned. She finally took a good look at him. He looked a lot like Annabelle with his dark hair and blue eyes, and he was tall too. Cindy noticed that when he smiled, it was sort of crooked but in a cute way. He looked as if he could model for for a living.

"Uh, of course," she replied. "She's very nice. I'm sure she's capable of handling herself, though. I don't think you need to worry." She didn't want to admit that she barely knew Annabelle.

"Maybe that's asking a lot out of you anyway," he said, raking his eyes over her body in a way that curious yet non intrusive as the same time - he was clearly implying that she was too small or too weak looking to be of any use physically. She felt offended immediately.

"Hey, I'll have you know that I could probably beat your ass if I had to," she retorted. "I have a black belt."

The guys started laughing as Annabelle reappeared, handing Cindy a drink. It reeked of vodka and Cindy had half of it down in two gulps, her throat burning. "I don't appreciate you laughing at my new friend," she said disapprovingly to her brother.

"Sorry, but your friend here says she has a black belt. I just don't believe it," Austin said with a grin.

"Do you want me to prove it?"

The laughing quieted down.

"Sure," Austin said easily. He pointed to the guy standing next to him. "You can try out your skills on Fred here."

"Chicken," Cindy muttered under her breath, and he just grinned mischievously.

Next thing she knew, the living room had been cleared with the sparse furniture items pushed up against a wall. Fred was a tall, bulky type of guy, and she made sure to finish her drink before squaring up with him. She was feeling buzzed already - it had been quite awhile since she last drank, and she just hoped that it wouldn't hinder her performance.

She could tell Fred didn't want anything to do with what was about to happen, and she wondered why he was going along with it. It didn't matter. All she had to do was catch him by surprise, get him tripped up on his feet, and make sure he ended up on the floor. So when his first move was to try to knock her down - to avoid hitting her she was sure - she used his move against him, hooking her leg behind his knee. She moved neatly out of the way as he fell forward, too shocked to regain his balance. That had been easier than she hoped for. Everyone in the room was silent.

Austin started slow-clapping. "Good job, Texas. I didn't doubt you for a second."

-0-0-0-0-0-

The group of guys that attended Boston University warmed up to her after that - except Fred, who sulked in the corner for awhile after their spar. The jokes about her being a Southern belle died down, but the Glenn siblings still made sure to call her Texas. She was feeling pleasantly warm from the alcohol and the camaraderie that surrounded her.

Finally, she felt less homesick. She felt a little more comfortable in her surroundings, and that gave her peace of mind like nothing else could, and it was a huge relief. She was starting to think that she would never fit in anywhere or with anyone besides Libby and the home she left behind.

A lanky guy wearing glasses arrived to the party after an hour or two, and he was greeted warmly by the Austin and the other guys.

"Collin goes to MIT," Annabelle whispered in her ear helpfully. She had an extensive knowledge about Austin's friends. She also currently had a crush on one named Kevin.

"Where have you been, man?" Austin asked the newly arrived Collin, who seemed to be a little out of breath.

"Sorry, I have a late lab on Fridays, and my lab partner is killer. He works me like a dog."

"I'm assuming the kid doesn't have a life," Austin said dryly. "Who the hell wants to do homework on a Friday?"

"I don't know, man. He's a genius or something."

The word _genius_ sparked inside of Cindy's brain and suddenly it was like a match had been lit inside of her. Shit. There was only one genius she knew.

But Jimmy Neutron wasn't the only genius in the world, especially when it come to prestigious schools like MIT. It was entirely possible that he was talking about someone else.

"What are you majoring in?" Cindy asked, unable to stop herself if she tried. She might as well ask him what his lab partner's name is.

"Aerospace engineering," Collin replied and her heart sank. It wasn't looking good for her.

"Collin here is going to be an astronaut someday," Kevin slapped the lanky boy on the back, moving his glasses down his nose a good inch or two.

"That's the thing - this kid won't shut up about how he's been to space already, and that he used to work for NASA. I think he's full of shit."

Cindy did her best to keep from groaning out loud in agony. Her mother had been right - it was a small world after all. The good news was that MIT was a few miles down the road from Harvard. If she stayed on her own campus at all times she would surely never see him.

"His name wouldn't happen to be Jimmy Neutron, would it?" She asked, and she regretted it immediately.

Collin gave her a wide-eyed look. "Yeah, it is. How did you know?"

Annabelle gasped. "You're psychic!"

"We went to the same high school," Cindy said as a way of explanation. That seemed to placate everyone but Collin.

"Was he as obnoxious back then as he is now? He's insufferable."

Somehow, Cindy doubted that. Even though she held a deep sense of hatred towards him for everything he did (or rather didn't) do, she didn't think he was insufferable anymore. He was arrogant. He made sure everyone knew that he was a genius, but he had toned down with the obnoxiousness years ago, thanks to Betty Quinlan and her I Can Make A Man Do Anything I Want prowess. Something inside of her made her defensive, possessive even at Collin's words. She didn't want these people, essentially strangers to her still, saying bad things about the boy genius she had grown up with, no matter how much she wanted to feel the opposite. That was _her_ ex-friend and rival, and only she could talk shit about him.

She just sipped her drink thoughtfully. "I don't know, he seemed fine to me. I didn't know him very well."

It was the biggest lie she'd ever told. Collin dropped the subject but she could tell he had more questions. She made sure to avoid him for the rest of the night, and she hoped that he hated Jimmy enough to never, _ever_ bring her up to him. She wanted her whereabouts to remain as secretive as possible when it came to him.

It didn't matter though. Libby, Sheen, Carl, and their parents were all in cahoots, and he probably knew everything about her life down to what dorm she was living in.

He just didn't care to find her.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 _Flashback_

Graduation was an event that was meant to be bittersweet. Excited for the future but scared of it at the same time, the seniors were chattering nervously as they awaited their turn to walk out in front of their parents, friends, and extended families.

"You ready for this?" Libby asked her best friend while straightening her cap.

"No," Cindy muttered. "You think he's waiting to make a grand entrance?"

"Who knows what goes on in that big head of his?"

It had been a long nine months since Jimmy had left for California, but at the same time it felt like his going-away party had taken place just yesterday. Cindy could still remember how his hands felt on her and their fight before he stormed out. She was incredibly nervous, and it wasn't because she was about to end a chapter of her life and give a speech in front of hundreds of people - it was because she was about to come face to face with Jimmy again.

"It's time to take your places, everyone!" One of the teachers yelled out. The girls gave each other a quick hug and Cindy begrudgingly took her place near the end of the line, thanks to her last name. She spotted Carl not far away from her and hissed his name. He turned to look at her.

"Where is he, Carl? Why is he late?"

He shrugged. "No idea. I'm starting to get worried. I haven't heard from him in a couple days now."

That wasn't comforting at all.

The principal was making his rounds as all of the students took their place in line, looking slightly panicked, as the minutes ticked by and it got closer to showtime. "Cindy!" He called out and she raised her hand so he would see her.

He walked over to her and pulled her away from the line and talked quietly. "I hope you don't mind giving your own speech tonight," he said.

"What? Why?"

"I just got a call from Jimmy's parents," he said, holding up his phone in one hand. "He decided against coming last minute. I'm assuming you didn't know about this."

She shook her head. "I had no idea."

"Well, I know this isn't ideal on such short notice, but the speech?" He inquired.

"I can do it. It'll be fine."

He thanked her and she got back into line, anger and shock boiling under her skin as the procession started. She could hear the music from inside as the line inched forward at a painfully slow pace.

How he could do this? It was _his_ idea to share the speech. She didn't really care about giving it alone. She could handle that. But she was absolutely furious that he wasn't going to be attending one of the biggest events of their young lives; he hadn't even notified his best friends.

She should have seen this coming. When he didn't come home for any holidays or try to contact her at all since he left, she should have at least guessed that he would pull something like this.

When it was nearly her turn to walk out, she took a breath to steel any nerves she had and prepare herself. Life was better this way. She didn't need him.

Especially if the only thing he was going to do was continue to break her heart.

 _End Flashback_

-0-0-0-0-0-

When Annabelle deemed it time to leave around two am, Austin insisted on calling the uber for them and even rode with them all the way back to their dorm, despite his sister's protests. Annabelle was somehow drunker than Cindy was, and that was a little comforting. She would be hungover tomorrow but she could still handle her liquor.

After she helped Austin get her roommate into her bed, she walked him to the door. He paused and turned around to look at her, towering over her slightly.

"You know, I have seen _Gone With the Wind_. It was my mother's favorite movie," he said quietly.

"Was?" Cindy asked, and she almost cursed. She really needed to do something about her word vomit.

"She died a few years ago. That's another reason I'm so happy Annabelle made a friend here. She didn't even want to go to this school, but our dad forced her to when she got admitted."

It was a piece of insight that Cindy probably didn't deserve to hear secondhand, but she was happy for it anyway. She was feeling less alone by the moment thanks to the Glenn family.

"I'm happy she's my friend, too. I'll look after her."

"That actually does make me feel better now that I know you have a black belt," he said teasingly, and she laughed.

"You should laugh more," he said seriously and that made her stop laughing. "Don't be so serious, Texas."

She didn't consider herself to be serious, but maybe she was. She definitely wasn't as fun-loving and carefree as she'd been a year and a half ago.

He made to leave, but she felt compelled to stop him. "I forgive you for the Scarlett O'Hara joke, by the way. I know you were just likening me to Vivien Leigh."

He laughed so loud that she checked to make sure Annabelle was still asleep when he stopped. She was snoring lightly and looked undisturbed.

"No offense, but you're more like Grace Kelly."

She laughed again for two reasons - he was lying out his ass, and there was no way she would be offended by his comment.

"It was nice to meet you, Texas," he said.

"I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Maybe sooner than you think," he winked at her and left to meet the uber that was waiting outside. Cindy shut the door and hopped into her bed, feeling like she was floating on a cloud.

"I hope you and my brother get married," Annabelle said in a slightly-slurred voice from across the room. "Then you can be my sister."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're crazy?"

She was already asleep by that time, snoring again. It was an outrageous comment to make, of course, but Cindy didn't mind the thought of being Annabelle's sister. She'd never had any real siblings of her own.

She slipped off into sleep slowly and had restless dreams all night of a blue-eyed boy, but when she woke up she was unsure if it had been Jimmy or Austin she'd been dreaming about.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 **This chapter feels a little bit like a filler (I hate that term) but I'm honestly trying to create a life in Boston for Cindy and hopefully you guys aren't bored before we get into the exciting stuff and Jimmy finally makes an appearance!**

 **You're probably going to ask if Cindy and Austin are going to be romantic...and I'm not going to give a yes or no answer. ;)**

 **I said this in the last chapter, but if you're confused by the flashbacks, IT'S OKAY! They are meant to be out of order. Obviously the two I've given you so far are in order, but from here on out they are going to jump around a little when it comes to the timeline. They will all take place when Cindy was in high school, though, and present time is of course when she's in college.**

 **I haven't decided yet, but you'll see what happened to Cindy in the next chapter or the one after.**

 **Please review!**


	3. there's nothing holding me back

**Wow I suck for not updating sooner! You can say that I suck. I won't mind.**

 **Hope you all enjoy this!**

 **Normal Girl**

Cindy awoke the next morning to the feeling of a slight headache, dry mouth, and the sound of what she thought was a mouse near her bed. She sat up in a panic. Annabelle was standing near the foot of her bed with tousled hair and smudged makeup, rummaging in one of Cindy's bags.

"Please tell me you have some aspirin or something," the girl said in a hoarse voice. "My head is killing me."

"I'm afraid I don't."

"Aha! You're a liar."

Annabelle shook a pill bottle at her and Cindy's blood froze in her veins. "That's not aspirin," she said quietly.

Her roommate squinted at the bottle and then gave the blonde a curious look. "Xanax, huh? I suppose that could work too." She tossed the bottle back into the bag. "Do you want to go get some breakfast?"

-00-

 _Flashback_

Cindy hated everything about being forced to socialize with the friends and coworkers of her parents. More than that, she hated having to pretend that things were normal. She didn't know why her mother and father insisted on attending these dinner parties. They could hardly stand to be in the same room together at home, and now they were acting as if nothing was wrong, as if her dad hadn't been sleeping in the guest bedroom for months. Like they weren't headed straight for divorce.

She spent most of the evening ignoring everyone at the party, texting Libby and sending Neutron pokes on Facebook because she knew he hated it and it entertained her endlessly. He finally messaged her saying _Vortex, if you don't stop poking me I'll have to unfriend you. Again._

She was unfazed by the threat. Plus, if she put her phone down, that meant she'd have to watch her parents glare at each other when they thought no one else was watching. Maybe no one noticed it except her, but that seemed unlikely.

Her father finally came into the living room where she was seated on the couch with the offspring of her parent's friends, most of which were younger than her by at least five years.

"We're leaving," he told her abruptly. She didn't protest. She stood up immediately and followed him out to their car. She noticed, with slight confusion, that he didn't say goodbye to anyone and that her mother was nowhere in sight.

"Where's mom?" She asked as she got into the passenger seat. William started the car and backed out of the drive without hesitation. She noticed his grip was the wheel was tight and his expression and body language was tense.

"She's decided to get her own ride."

That was code for _we got into another fight_ and Cindy just stifled a sigh. Undoubtedly her family was going to be the laughingstock of the community they'd always been involved in. She didn't really care because she was going to graduate soon and get the hell out of Retroville - but that would mean there would be that much more of a strain on her parents' relationship, which was already near its breaking point.

She busied herself with her phone again to make the ride home go a little faster. She didn't feel the need to strike up a conversation when her dad was already pissed off. He was hard to talk to when he was angry, and they two of them didn't always get along in general. He wasn't a super involved and attentive type of parent, unlike her mother, and Cindy occasionally wondered if he always wished for a son instead of a daughter. She also wondered what life would be like if they did end up getting a divorce. He worked long hours and she hardly saw him the way it was. If he ended up moving out, she may never see him at all.

About halfway home, she reached over to turn the heat up in the car. It was nearly February, but she'd stupidly forgotten to bring a coat along with her and she was freezing in just her long-sleeved shirt. As she flipped the temperature dial she realized that something was...off. They were driving down a bridge that had guardrails on each side, and their car was nearing the center line. Usually that wouldn't be a big deal but there was a minivan headed in the opposite direction fairly close to them. She glanced at her father and realized he looked pale, as if he were in pain.

"Dad? Are you okay?"

He didn't answer her, and cold fear rushed through her body, causing her to feel as if her limbs were frozen. She fought through it and went to grab for the steering wheel, but when she tried moving it the car only started to angle itself along the bridge, which was slightly slick from weather conditions.

"Dad, you need to step on the brake," she pleaded, but his eyes rolled up into his head, unresponsive. His foot was still on the gas, and the collision happened barely a second later considering the minivan had nowhere to go with the rail on the other side.

The impact made the horn of their car go off, but it didn't muffle the sound of broken glass, twisted metal, and the screams of two small children that were sitting in the backseat of the van. Cindy felt like she'd been thrown off a building and her body was trying to absorb the impact. She'd shut her eyes instinctively the moment she knew they were going to have an accident, and as everything came to a stop she realized she felt wet. On her arms, her face, even through her shirt on her chest and shoulders.

In the back of the mind, she assumed it must have started raining and she was somehow feeling it inside the car, as illogical as that was. She was wrong.

She opened her eyes and almost screamed, but no noise came out of her mouth. The driver of the minivan, a young woman, hadn't been wearing her seatbelt. Her body had been flung out of the car and onto the Vortex's SUV, where she laid limp and unmoving. There was glass everywhere from the broken windshields of the two cars, and Cindy finally realized why she felt wet. Glass was sharp, of course, and blood accompanied it. She wasn't entirely convinced that all of it was hers.

Her father was still unconscious at the wheel. The deployed airbags had caused his head to rest almost peacefully against the back of his seat. The kids in the van were still screaming and Cindy didn't know if they were screams of fright, distress, or pain, but she was the only semi-adult in the situation that was conscious and she _needed to do something_.

She didn't know what to do first - they obviously needed an ambulance. Should she try CPR on her father, or the unknown woman? She didn't even know CPR. She was afraid to move either of them and risk paralyzing someone by mistake.

She couldn't find her phone so she hoped she would be able to flag someone down. With shaky, bleeding hands she shoved the airbag out of her way and took off her seatbelt, getting out of the car quickly. Luckily, she seemed relatively unharmed besides all the blood. No broken bones. No loss of consciousness.

She slipped on a patch of ice as she scrambled towards the minivan, this time feeling a stinging pain on the side of her face near her eye, on her temple, when she fell. She didn't give herself time to think about it - she got back up and flung the side door of the van open. The kids, who both looked to be under the age of seven, didn't stop screaming as they saw her. She didn't blame them, she probably looked a fright.

She didn't have much experience with kids. She knew she probably shouldn't move them in case they happened to be injured. She did her best to soothe them but it was a waste of her time. She was a stranger to them and she was covered in blood - all she was doing was making their fear stronger. After a moment she went back to look for her phone, which she found under her seat. She called 911, and after relaying her location, she could hear the sirens in the distance. There was nothing to do but wait now and hope that the young mother, who hadn't moved an inch since the crash, would somehow be okay. She hoped the same for her own father.

Feeling more alone and frightened than she had ever felt in her entire life, Cindy felt a like her brain was experiencing a shutdown, if that were even possible. Maybe it was an overload of emotions, or maybe she really did hurt her head during the crash. Either way she wasn't sure what to do, and her limbs suddenly felt heavy. She wanted to climb back up into her seat to sit down but she didn't want to look at her dad's unmoving figure or the woman still laying on the hood of their car.

Instead she slid down and sat amongst the glass and odd pieces of debris in the road, feeling utterly alone. It felt like it was taking the ambulance so long to get there. She'd always imagined that if something bad like this were to happen to her, she would be unconscious or wouldn't remember what happened. But this...this was so different than that. This was awful.

She didn't know what else to do, so she looked up at the sky, staring at one particular cloud so she could focus on something else other than fright. It worked. After awhile, it was like she wasn't even in her own body anymore. The pain, the glass, the blood and the awful imagery still replaying in her mind drifted away and she didn't fight it.

 _End Flashback_

-00-

Neither of them bothered to shower or fix themselves up too much before shuffling to a diner a few blocks away that Annabelle absolutely insisted on. Cindy was going to have to get a part-time job to keep up with her roommate's uber-riding and restaurant-going habits.

"Maybe we should clear the air," Annabelle announced after they ordered a feast fit for hungover eighteen-year-olds. "I'm prescribed Paxil. You take Xanax. We're not so different."

Cindy just sat there, watching as the girl sitting across from her fiddled with the sugar packets on the table.

"I try not to take the Xanax unless I have to," she said finally. "But I also take Zoloft."

"Ah, the antidepressant club meeting has begun," Annabelle joked. "Did...something happen? Or are you biologically unfortunate?"

"I was in a car accident with my dad. He's in a coma. Maybe it's a little biological too. What about you?"

"That would explain those," she replied, nodding towards one of the scars that peeked out from beneath Cindy's sleeve. She just nodded. "My mom died a while back. Definitely biological, though. She killed herself."

Cindy winced at the matter of fact way Annabelle spoke, and felt ridiculous about her own problems, which felt miniscule compared to the ones her roommate had. Car accidents were pretty common. The waitress appeared, pouring them each a cup of coffee before running off again.

"I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's okay. I'm sorry too. For you and me both. Do you have a diagnosis? Mine is depression. Kind of anticlimactic."

"PTSD."

"That's impressive at such a young age," she said with a grin, and Cindy just snorted into her drink. It seemed as if they shared the same dark sense of humor.

"Here's to going through it. Every day. And here's to hopefully getting to the other side unscathed," Annabelle said, lifting up her mug, indicating Cindy should do the same. They clinked their cups together, causing coffee to slosh onto the table.

It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Annabelle had to be a gift sent to her from whatever deity that was watching over her, if there was one that existed at all.

Luck and gifts could only go so far before things like karma and fate stepped in, though. Although Cindy didn't really believe in all of that. She believed in science and modern medicine, but she also believed in coincidences. That was a big thing. Sometimes shit just happened and couldn't be explained. That was life.

Or at least, she had believed in coincidences up until Jimmy Neutron walked into the diner. There was no way that it was a happy mistake. Fate was real and it was messing with her.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Jimmy had walked in with another girl trailing behind him and they were seated at a sizable distance from them, but she was still panicking. She needed to talk to Libby.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost," Annabelle said around a mouthful of bacon.

"I just feel sick all of a sudden. I'll be right back."

She could definitely blame the hangover for her weird behavior. She definitely couldn't admit what was really going on. She _knew_ she shouldn't have left campus ever again.

Instead of going to the bathroom, she walked right out of a convenient exit and leaned against the building next to it, quickly dialing Libby's number.

"Hey girl! What's going on?" She answered on the second ring.

"You're never going to believe this."

"Oh my god, you're pregnant."

"What? No!"

"You're getting married!"

"Seriously, Libby? Does it seem plausible that I would do either of those things at this point in my life?"

"I was just trying to prepare myself," the girl said defensively. "I truly never know with you."

"I'll just let you guess who I almost ran into this morning but am also avoiding at this very moment in time."

"I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say...Jimmy."

It seemed that Florida State was doing wonders at keeping Libby as sharp as a tack like always. Her intuition was unmatched by anyone else Cindy knew.

"Ding ding ding, you're the winner."

"What's my prize?"

"You're prize is to keep me from freaking out."

Libby spent the next two minutes telling Cindy to calm down, but it wasn't working. She was spending too much time outside and that was rude to Annabelle, but she didn't want to face Jimmy looking the way she did. She was so wildly unprepared to handle this situation that it was almost funny.

"What are you going to do if he sees you?" Libby asked abruptly.

"I don't know, slap him?"

"Okay, maybe don't do that."

"Libby, I'm going to get off the phone but I'll be texting you updates as they happen."

"Please do. Maybe you could do a Facebook live event. Then every one of your friends could see you slap Jimmy Neutron in real time."

Cindy took a deep breath to steady herself and went inside, bumping straight into Annabelle who was clearly looking for her.

"I was getting worried about you," she said with wide eyes. "I hope you aren't hungry anymore. I paid the bill so I'm sure they're cleaning our table as we speak."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's fine. Are you okay?"

Cindy looked past her shoulder, trying to keep her eye on the cause of her distress and he was sitting there, calm as could be. He was talking to the girl sitting across from him. He looked a little different; older, more serious but that could be all in her mind. It had only been a year since she'd seen him, and that wasn't very long in the grand scheme of things. But it felt like forever, and seeing him again was almost surreal.

"I'm okay," she finally replied. "Let's get out of here."

She counted her lucky stars that Jimmy never saw her. The idea that maybe he _did_ see her and just didn't react flitted through her mind, but she didn't think that could be it. He would at least say something, wouldn't he?

She hadn't said anything to him, though, so maybe he wouldn't either. She felt heavy again. She didn't want to think about Jimmy anymore.

When they arrived back at their dorm, Annabelle took a nap and Cindy pronounced she was taking a shower but stared at herself in the mirror as the water ran instead. She wondered if she would look different to him. Right before graduation, she had cut her previously long hair into a shorter style and it fell just above her shoulders. Other than that, not much had changed. She was still Cindy Vortex, scars and all. She didn't know what that even meant. She didn't know who she was anymore. The longer she stood in front of the mirror, the more unreal she felt, like she was staring a picture of someone else rather than a reflection of her own self. The sound of the running water quieted until she couldn't hear it all and she felt...numb.

She stared at herself until the hot water steamed up the mirror, rendering it useless, and then she pulled the shower curtain back and stepped under the falling water.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 _Flashback_

Jimmy left for California without saying goodbye to Cindy. To everyone else she just pretended like it didn't matter. But no one else knew about their little _moment_ in the bathroom at his party, and so the fact that he snubbed her completely hurt a little.

He would be back before she knew it, though - for holidays and graduation. She wanted to yell at him and so she knew that the time apart would probably do them both some good.

Around two weeks after he left, Cindy came home to an odd sight. The first oddity was her mother being home. Usually she would still be working or visiting her father in the hospital at this time. The other strange thing was Judy Neutron sitting at her kitchen table.

The Neutron matriarch was the epitome of the perfect homemaker, and a loving mother and wife. She was an amazing cook. She went to great lengths to keep a clean home, and most of all she was supportive to the genius son she had raised. She wasn't afraid to point out his wrongdoings and provide a little guidance to the boy who thought he knew everything.

Needless to say, Judy and Sasha weren't the best of friends. The former was nice to everyone and always made an effort to form a bond of friendship, but Sasha was resistant. She was a busy working woman and the two women didn't have much in common.

It was understandable that Judy felt a little lost with her only child in a different state and her husband at work all day. Cindy figured that maybe her neighbor needed a new hobby, and that hobby would include befriending her mother.

The kitchen smelled delicious; like apples and cinnamon. Sasha was seated at the table too and the two of them looked like they were drinking coffee and conversing. Cindy froze in the doorway to the kitchen as she was spotted by them.

"Cindy!" Judy exclaimed happily. "How was your day?"

Cindy wondered what it was like to grow up in an environment that included a mother that was a lot kinder than her own. That was just one of the million reasons why she was jealous of Jimmy growing up, and like most of the others that had faded into the background as they got older. The feeling was returning now, as strong as ever.

"It was okay," she replied. "It smells good in here."

"I brought over a pie," Judy said happily. "Would you like some?"

"Sure."

Judy started to get up but Sasha beat her to it. Cindy was treated to a discreet role of the eyes once her mother was behind the other woman.

"I was just telling your mother that we should start getting together more often! I think the neighborhood would benefit from a book club," Mrs. Neutron said as Cindy sat down at the table. "Oh! Maybe we could do _yoga."_

Behind Judy, Cindy saw her mom show signs of a mental breakdown and tried to hold in her laughter. She was never going to be released from the clutches of the nicest woman on earth now.

The entire thing was amusing to Cindy. She'd always liked Jimmy's mom and honestly wouldn't mind if the woman hung around more often.

It took a few more weeks for her to realize that Jimmy's absence was taking its toll on everyone she interacted with on a daily basis. Classes felt strange, emptier somehow. Even being at home felt a little different knowing he wasn't in his lab or in his house right across the street.

Sheen and Carl were quieter than usual, and eating lunch with them and Libby was a little awkward. And even though Sheen and Libby were dating, Jimmy had acted like the glue for their little group. He was how they originated as friends - he had dragged them into his experiments head first and no one else understood what that was like.

Despite how badly the two boys annoyed her, she also couldn't imagine _not_ hanging around them.

Cindy noticed her mother sticking around the house more often instead of working long hours and going to the hospital in her spare time, and she knew Judy was to blame since she was also at her home at the same time. They seemed to be forging a strange yet close friendship.

This turned out to be bad for Cindy on one particular Saturday night. She'd nosedived into a bottle of peach flavored vodka at some party and it was nearly two am when a sober Carl finally dropped her off at home. She knew her mother would be asleep but she didn't account for Mrs. Neutron waking up and seeing her sneak into her house.

She got in trouble the next morning and it was the first time she was disgruntled by the woman intruding in on her life. It was also the moment that she realized what Judy was doing. She felt _bad_ for Sasha and Cindy. She was providing her company, food, and mindless chatter as a distraction from the events of the last few months.

Sasha was warming up to it slowly but now Cindy was suddenly wary. It was like going from having half a mother to _two_ of them. She didn't need that in her life.

They actually were going to yoga. It was weird.

She halfway wished Jimmy was around to so she would have someone to understand just how weird it was. When Christmas break started, she fully expected him to be arriving home at any moment to spend the holiday with his family. He had mysteriously missed Thanksgiving. She was suddenly itching to talk to him. At this point, she might even apologize for what happened at his party. She'd had a lot of time to replay the memory in her head over and over, thinking about what she would do or say differently to avoid the altercation they'd gotten in.

She just missed his presence.

When a few days passed with no sight of him, and Cindy spotted Judy putting luggage into the car, she grew suspicious.

"Hi Mrs. Neutron!" She called out as Judy was struggling with loading a large suitcase into the trunk. She stepped off her porch and walked across the street so she could offer her assistance. "Going somewhere?"

"Thank you, dear," she said as they shoved the bag in together. "Hugh and I are visiting Jimmy in California for Christmas!"

"Oh, he's not coming home?" She asked in what she hoped was a casual tone.

Disappointment must have been written on her face, because Judy's excitement deflated as soon as Cindy spoke.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry. If you need me to give him something or relay a message, I'll do it - a letter, a slap upside the head, you name it."

Cindy laughed. She wouldn't exactly mind that. "No, it's okay. I hope you guys have fun."

"And I hope you have a good Christmas. Your mother told me about what happened last week and how you've had to cut back with karate and piano. I'm sorry about that too."

Cindy just shrugged. "I was mad at first, but I understand. It's not like I can't exercise for free. I will miss playing the piano, though."

A thoughtful look crossed Judy's face for a moment before she smiled. "I don't know if I've ever told you this before, Cindy, but you're an amazing young woman. Very strong."

"Thank you," Cindy replied as the older woman enveloped her in a hug. On a whim, she changed her mind about her earlier offer about her son. "Tell Jimmy I said hi."

"I'll tell him. Maybe you should try calling him, he would love to hear from you," she replied with a wink.

Cindy highly doubted that.

Christmas was bound to be a depressing affair. It was the first major holiday without her dad - they'd skimmed over Thanksgiving without too much trouble, but this was different. It didn't feel the same. There was no energy or desire to decorate the house or enjoy holiday activities.

Her mother spent a lot of time staring into space or sleeping. Judy Neutron had picked the wrong time to leave the state.

At this point it's been nearly ten months since he accident. The chances of her father waking from his coma and their life resuming back to their normal state were diminishing by the day. Christmas would probably never feel the same.

Cindy had always hated her family dynamic. The fighting, the emotional detachment between the three of them - her parents weren't the most loving to her or each other. But they had their _moments._ Moments in which they could put differences and grudges aside and engage in a sense of normalcy. Christmas had been one of those times and now that was gone, too.

When Christmas Day passed, she felt relieved. But Jimmy's silence from a few states away weighed heavily on her and she thought about breaking the silence herself, but couldn't bring herself to pick up her phone and dial his number. She never thought she would be in this position; missing him and her dad and her old life. Most of all, she missed her old self.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 **Two flashbacks! And now you know what happened to Cindy, too. So remember, the flashbacks are occurring out of order for the most part. Don't get too caught up in a chronological timeline because the pieces will make sense as you go along. I hope, anyway.**

 **Please review!**


	4. in my feelings

**Hello! I know it has been a freakishly long time, and I apologize. I have a lot going on right now. I was really inspired to write today and I just knew I needed to get my shit together to post something. I miss writing as often as I used to. Thank you all for the kind reviews! I hope you enjoy!**

 **Normal Girl**

"I need all of the details you have," Cindy said as soon as Libby answered the phone.

"Well hello to you too," the other girl laughed. "Details about what?"

"Libby, I know Sheen has kept in contact with Neutron since he left. You probably know what he had for breakfast this morning. I just need like...a summary."

"Why are you asking me for this _now_?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to run into him again. I just want to be prepared."

"And you're nosy."

"And I'm nosy."

"Fine, but this has to be quick. I have class in thirty minutes," Libby said before launching into a novel-worthy speech about Jimmy Neutron.

According to Sheen, who was not a reputable source in Cindy's mind (but beggars could not be choosers), Jimmy had loved his intern position at NASA but still wanted a degree, and that's why he moved to Boston to attend MIT. He had a _spot_ saved for him at NASA for after he graduated.

"Well that's nice," Cindy said sarcastically. "Looks like I may need to move."

"You can't be telling me that Boston isn't big enough for the two of you," Libby said in disbelief. "You two don't even attend the same school."

"Then explain to me why he's everywhere!" Cindy exclaimed. She was being dramatic, but it was the first time she'd had someone to vent to about the situation. Annabelle would probably never understand.

"Maybe he wants to be friends."

"That's not happening. Did Sheen ever mention him having a, you know, a girlfriend?"

"Hm, no. I don't think so. But he did say that Jimmy was interning with a few other people around our age. He could've mentioned a girl. I don't always pay attention when Sheen talks about Jimmy. I sort of tune that part of our conversation out."

"Next time pay more attention."

Cindy was determined to find out who the mysterious dark-haired girl was that she'd seen Jimmy with at the diner. The Jimmy Neutron she knew only interacted with a small group of women - his mother, Libby, Betty, and herself. She couldn't be blamed for being curious. Later that day, like a hard-working news reporter, Libby gave her the answer of the girl in question.

"Her name is Eleanor something," she said. "She was an intern too like I mentioned before. This next part is a little confusing to me. Sheen said Jimmy's original plan was to stay in California and go to school there, but then he started talking about this Eleanor chick a lot and suddenly he decided on Boston. Doesn't really sound like something he would do, though. You think he followed her to MIT?"

"Sure sounds like it," Cindy agreed. "So they must be dating. And it must be serious enough for him to follow her across the country."

"Not sure about that either," Libby said. "Maybe you should ask him. I hear you can find out a lot of info if you go directly to the source."

Cindy could practically feel Libby's mirth through the phone. "Don't even start with me. And you know I can't ask him anything."

"Hey, I would make the best of this situation if I were you. I would love to have you, Sheen, or even Jimmy or Carl in Florida with me. I miss Retroville. And you have part of home there with you."

Cindy didn't want to associate _home_ with _Jimmy Neutron_ but it was apparently too late for that.

"I see your point," she replied. "I'm sending him on the next plane out so he can trade places with you."

Libby just laughed. "I was going to ask you why you suddenly need to know if Jimmy has a girlfriend, but we can talk about it at a later date. And I think I know the answer anyway."

"Oh really? What do you think the answer is?"

"Girl, I love you. And because I love you, I'm going to tell you that you need to stop with all of that pent-up anger you have towards him."

Cindy sighed. "What do you suggest I do about it?"

"You could always try talking to him," Libby reasoned. Cindy could hear the smugness over the phone. "It may actually be enlightening."

"Enlightenment is overrated, Libby."

After they said their goodbyes, Cindy's mind was plagued with thoughts of Jimmy and his new girlfriend. Sure, she was getting ahead of herself, but she couldn't help it. It was rare for Jimmy to make a change of plans. Betty Quinlan hadn't been enough to stop him from going to California. What kind of womanly power did this Eleanor person have in order to make him leave?

She shook her intrusive thoughts away quickly. None of it mattered. If she were lucky, she would never see him or his magical girlfriend ever again. If she were even luckier, she would be able to stop thinking about him, too.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 _Flashback_

Car accidents happened often, even in the fairly small community of Retroville, so fender benders and collisions weren't something to gossip about for more than a day. Retroville itself had been through its fair share of odd situations thanks to one Jimmy Neutron, so Cindy hadn't been expecting such an extreme reaction when she went back to school.

Her mother was running around the house, packing a bag and cleaning things up, making phone calls like a madwoman. Cindy assumed she planned on staying at the hospital with her father until further notice. They were both leaving the house in a flurry when the daily newspaper arrived. Cindy usually never cared to read the paper but this one caught her eye, considering how the front page featured _her_.

 **Car Accident in West Retroville Leaves One Dead and One Critically Injured,** it read. Sasha saw it too, and pushed her daughter towards their only intact vehicle.

"Don't read that," she snapped, and for once, Cindy didn't argue. She thought it might feel unpleasant to be face with the cruel reality of what happened, but she didn't feel much of anything while reading the headline.

She was a minor so her name wouldn't be mentioned, but William's would be. Anyone with a brain would be able to figure out who the unnamed passenger in his car was.

Suddenly, she didn't want to go to school anymore.

"Maybe I can just go to the hospital with you," she said shakily. "Missing a day won't kill me."

She'd wished she hadn't said the word _kill_. A once common saying that suddenly held too much weight for casual conversation. It was insensitive given the situation they were in, but her mother didn't seem to notice or feel the same way she did about it.

"I thought you wanted to go?" She asked. "It's Friday, Cynthia. You'll have the whole weekend to recover and visit your father. If you start missing days it will be hard to catch up. Unless you're not feeling well?"

God forbid she admit to any weakness in their family. Cindy should have been expecting it, really. There was nothing she could do short of throwing a fit that would get her out of going now. Luckily she had thought to inform Libby of what happened, who appropriately freaked out, before she would inevitably hear it through the grapevine.

"I'll be fine," she muttered.

Wearing a false sense of confidence and a sweater that would cover every single inch of her bandages, Cindy walked into the school and was immediately welcomed with a few looks, nothing too intrusive. Probably just her imagination at work.

She went to her locker and Libby was there just a few seconds later. "Cindy," she said uneasily, quietly. "I can't believe you're here. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I think so."

"I could've gotten your homework for you!"

"I think my mom wanted me to feel like things are normal. Really, it's fine."

Neither girls believed that but Libby just nodded and stood resolutely by Cindy as she gathered her books, her arm movements a little stiff.

"I'll clear any and all plans for this weekend. I'll come over if you want and we can-"

"Libby, no," she interrupted. "I don't want you to do that."

"You're my best friend!"

The two girls walked to their first class, oblivious to the growing attention people were paying to the blonde.

"I appreciate it, I really do, but I know you and Sheen had plans all week long."

"Sheen will understand. He just wants to go to some dumb party, anyway."

"Well, you're going with him."

Libby rolled her eyes. "Sure. I'll go if _you_ go," she said haughtily, assuming she had won the argument. No way would Cindy agree to going and she knew that.

"Fine, I'll go," Cindy said calmly, pulling open the door to their classroom. Libby was about to reply, but a hush fell around the room as they walked in and she thought better of it.

Cindy avoided eye contact with everyone as she sat down, and luckily people were smart enough to not gawk at her outright. Still, she felt like a freak show.

She heard the creaking of a desk adjusting as someone moved somewhere to her right, and she dared to glance up. It was Jimmy, and he just smirked at her.

"I sure hope you're ready for this test, Vortex."

Now _that_ was normal. In fact, it was somehow the highlight of her morning. Despite how pissed off and annoyed he usually made her...she didn't mind it. At least not in the moment.

"I know you wish I wasn't," she muttered loud enough for him to hear, and the smirk never left his face even as he turned around.

She had an inkling that he was purposely acting clueless about what had happened the day before. Or maybe he truly didn't know. Either way, with the way he was acting, it was like any other day. He'd probably been holed up in his lab all night or was too busy sucking Quinzilla's face off to pay attention to anything else. She _did_ have a nasty cut on her face but some expert hair styling had covered that up.

Panic clawed at her stomach as their teacher started passing out the quiz they were scheduled to take that day - one that she had forgotten about until Jimmy had mentioned it. She wasn't used to feeling so unprepared. She couldn't believe she was there at school, pretending like everything was normal, when her parents were at the hospital. What if something bad happened to her dad while she was taking this test? What if he died and she wouldn't even know about it until after?

As everyone started on the test, she picked up her pencil slowly and read the first question. This probably wouldn't be hard, she told herself. It was just English class. Her eyes drifted from the test to the pencil in her hand. It was purple. She stared at it for a long while until her eyes unfocused comfortably, not really thinking about anything in particular.

That was the last thing she really remembered. Next thing she knew, she was being tapped on the shoulder by a concerned Mrs. Marks, the English teacher.

"Cindy?" She asked, her voice sounding so far away in Cindy's ears. "Are you okay?"

Cindy blinked several times, realizing she was still staring at a hand and a pencil. _Her_ hand. But it didn't feel like hers.

"I'm fine," she replied robotically. She looked around for the first time and the classroom was empty except her and the teacher. Her brain seemed to shift then - _shit_. She must have fallen asleep during the damn test. "I fell asleep."

Mrs. Marks had a strange look on her face. "I've never met anyone who could sleep with their eyes open," she said gently. "Would you like me to call the nurse? Or your parents?"

Cindy dropped the pencil as if it were on fire. "No, I'm fine, I promise. I'm just really tired."

She made to get up but realized that the blank test was still sitting on her desk. Mrs. Marks picked it up. "How about we reschedule this test for Monday?"

"You'll let me do that?"

"You're an excellent student, Cindy. It's normal to have an off day," she said calmly.

Cindy thanked the teacher and found herself in a nearly empty hallway moments later. The next class was about to begin and she was definitely going to be late. She went to her locker and stood there for a moment, like her feet were rooted to the floor.

"Cindy?" A male voice said behind her.

She turned around. It was Jimmy. "Neutron."

He was giving her a look that she didn't like. "Are you okay?"

"I'm assuming you heard what happened," she said and he nodded. "I'm fine."

"You don't sound convinced of that."

"I kinda just want to be left alone," she replied, her voice taking on a hardened edge. "Can you manage that?"

The bell rang and neither of them moved. "Are you going to class?" He asked.

She didn't want to. She was afraid she would do something weird like fall asleep again. She also didn't want to skip. That wouldn't look good for her.

"I can give you a ride home," he offered when she didn't reply.

"You should go to class. I'll be fine," she said, feeling a bit like a broken record.

"Cindy," he said softly. "I won't tell anyone."

She shut her locker and regarded him warily. He grabbed her backpack from where she'd dropped it on the ground near her feet and she didn't know why, but she followed him. He told the school secretary he was taking her home, and no one questioned it. Jimmy Neutron had a quiet authority about him that even most adults recognized him and besides, she was sure they had all read the morning paper.

The ride home was quiet and she was grateful for that. She didn't know what to say. Her mother was going to be angry that she left school without calling first.

He stopped in front of her house and she thanked him quietly. "I...can come inside if you don't want to be alone."

"You should probably get back to class." He just shrugged. "I doubt Betty would be happy about it."

"She would understand."

She firmly declined again and he just nodded. As she got out, she had a thought and said to him, "There is something you can do, actually."

"What's that?"

"Don't treat me like this. Like you're scared I'm going to freak out, or that I'm going to break. Just...treat me like normal. Okay?"

Jimmy smiled. "If that's what you want, Vortex. But if you change your mind, I wouldn't judge you for it."

"I want you to judge me for it, Neutron. That's the point," she said dryly. He laughed and the sound made her feel warm, like the feel of a flame on a cold night.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now get the hell out of my car so I can get even more ahead of you in all our classes."

"That's more like it," she said approvingly and shut the car door. He waved as he drove off and when she went inside, she felt relieved to be alone for the time being.

Although, she probably wouldn't have minded if Jimmy had stayed.

 _End flashback_

-0-0-0-0-0-

A slow, torturous week passed by since Annabelle had dragged her to the party at Austin's. That meant Cindy had seen Jimmy six days ago at the diner.

Not that she was keeping count.

She was careful to stay close to campus and she felt like she was holding her breath most of the time, but six days was a long time to not see someone. That was good. Six days could easily turn into six weeks, and then six months. Time would surely pass by quicker than the week that had just dragged by - or at least she hoped so.

She was starting to feel sluggish as a result of her class schedule and homework. Desperate to maintain a high GPA even with no one to really "compete" with, sleep was the first thing to be sacrificed for the sake of an A grade. On Friday morning, Cindy awoke from a deep and dreamless sleep with the eerie feeling that she was late. She checked the time on her phone and groaned loudly. Her class had started over ten minutes ago.

Annabelle, who was already awake and on her phone, peered over at her. "What's wrong?"

"I'm late to class."

Cindy drug herself out of bed and towards the bathroom, moving slowly despite the sense of urgency she felt. She knew that it was a side effect of not enough sleep, her caffeine addiction, and the Ambien she took to fall asleep on a nearly nightly basis. She wasn't even sleeping long enough for the pill to wear off, but her mind was hard to quiet down otherwise. She longed for a full night of rest and peace.

She changed clothes and prepared to leave until she saw Annabelle giving her a strange look. "What?"

"Your shirt is most definitely on backwards. Are you sleep walking?"

Cindy looked down at herself and sighed. "No, but it sure feels that way."

"Maybe you should just skip class. You're already late anyway."

"Are you kidding me? No way!" She exclaimed.

Annabelle just shrugged. "Think of it as a three day weekend. What would be better than sleeping all day? Plus, Austin is having another little party tonight that we need to be rested up for."

If there was one thing that Cindy was _not,_ it was a class-skipper. She didn't blow off responsibilities and she sure as hell wouldn't risk her grade. At least...she was determined not to fall into any bad habits. She wanted to come out on top, and despite a small stint between the accident and being put on medicine, she almost always did. That was because she tried. She put all her effort into every activity she did. She was determined to prove herself after letting things slip a little during her junior and senior years.

And she was exhausted.

Sensing that her resolve was about to break, Annabelle kept talking. "I doubt you'll miss much in class. Fridays is the most popular day to skip. We're in that sweet spot between midterms and first week of class where everything is just review. It's not like you'll be missing an exam."

Cindy thought back to the time, just a mere week and one day ago, when she had no friends in Boston. She didn't want to go back to that. That was something she _would_ risk her grade for...at least...

"Just this once," she spoke her thoughts aloud. "But only because I could really use the sleep."

Annabelle grinned and clapped her hands before lying back down, looking like a small child on the night of their first real sleepover and much too awake to fall asleep again. Cindy rolled her eyes and followed suit in her own bed, falling asleep almost immediately. She felt a pang of guilt over skipping, but she brushed it away. She deserved it. Just this once.

-0-0-

Annabelle had a hint of danger to her. She was sweet and excitable and funny, but she also seemed like the type of girl you wouldn't want to piss off. It was dark outside now, and Cindy felt a million times better after sleeping most of the day away. She watched with interest as Annabelle applied razor sharp eyeliner and bright pink lipstick in the mirror. When she finished, she turned to the blonde that wasn't even halfway ready yet, and Cindy felt slightly homesick as Annabelle fussed over her hair. She missed Libby.

"I could curl your hair. It's so short and you would look so cute," her new friend was saying. Uncomfortable with the assault on her hair and the way Annabelle kept unintentionally brushing her fingers over the scar on Cindy's temple, she blurted out of the first thing that came to mind.

"Does your brother have a girlfriend?"

She barely resisted slapping a hand over her mouth. Annabelle's eyes widened comically.

"No! Are you looking to fill the position?"

"I was just curious!"

"Hmph, whatever you say. I think he has a little crush on you. He told me to bring you tonight."

"He did? What else did he say?" Cindy could feel a blush rising on her cheeks.

Annabelle smiled deviously, showing the darker side that seemed to harbor underneath the bubbly exterior. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Cindy couldn't imagine herself dating anyone at the moment. Not even Austin, who was pretty cute and seemed nice enough. She could barely keep herself together most days. She definitely wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship.

She sure regretted bringing him up to his sister, though. The girl wouldn't let it go for anything, and Cindy feared that she would be embarrassed in front of everyone at the party. She had butterflies in her stomach the whole uber ride to Austin's apartment, but Annabelle didn't scream " _Cindy has a crush on you!_ " the moment they stepped through the door like she was imagining.

Still, she felt the need to immediately get a drink and ended up taking a few warm-up shots in the kitchen with Annabelle before actually pouring one. The rest of the apartment beyond the kitchen sounded a little crowded and she was thankful to be away from the crowd at first.

The door to the kitchen swung open as Annabelle was pouring another shot for the both of them and a short, dark-haired girl with glasses on walked in. Cindy thought she looked oddly familiar but she brushed it off. She saw a lot of different people every day in the city, so it would make sense that she would see someone more than once without meeting them.

"Hey, it's a new girl!" Annabelle cheered. "Take a shot with us?"

The poor girl looked nervous, but she nodded after a moment. "Sure?"

Another glass appeared and a shot was poured. The three girls clinked glasses. "Here's to Austin throwing parties every weekend and letting us drink his alcohol. Here's to alcohol. Here's to...what's your name?" She asked the girl.

"Eleanor."

Cindy nearly choked on the clear liquor as the shot went down. Annabelle patted her on the back. "You okay, Texas? I can't have you croaking on me."

"Fine. I need to go to the bathroom."

Now she knew why the girl looked so damn familiar. She could only hope and pray and wish that Jimmy wasn't also at the party - Collin was the only connecting link that she knew of and he hated the genius, so he shouldn't be there even though Eleanor was, right?

Cindy grabbed her drink and turned so she could leave. She definitely needed to scope out the place and get the hell out of dodge, if necessary. The door leading to the hallway swung towards her at the same moment she went to put her hand on it, and the movement scared her so much she dropped her drink. It splashed everywhere - into her shoes, on the floor, all down her shirt.

She was too busy looking at the damage and watching Annabelle trying to soak up the liquid on the ground to notice who had been the one to push the door open until she heard a familiar voice. "Cindy?"

Collin was a damn traitor. _Jimmy must have not been so insufferable after all_ , she thought darkly. Jimmy Neutron stood in front of her, his brow furrowed like he was trying to figure out a super difficult equation.

She chose that moment to run. She thought about saying something like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" or "Why didn't you show up to graduation?" or a combination of the two, but neither would have sufficed. She had a lot of things to say and yet nothing at all at the same time. So she brushed past him and left the apartment entirely, with Annabelle hot on her heels.

"What was that? Who was that?" The taller girl asked as soon as the elevator doors closed behind them.

"Uh, it's hard to explain. That's the boy I went to school with and Collin's lab partner. I don't know why I ran. I got flustered."

"Oh, girl. It's okay. The party seemed lame anyway."

She nearly sagged in relief. She was feeling more than a little drunk, and as they drifted down the hallway of the expansive apartment building, an open door on the first floor indicated that another party was inside if the loud music and crowd were anything to go by.

"Want to go inside?" her friend asked.

Usually she would've said _no way in hell_ but she wanted to pretend that she hadn't just made a fool of herself. She wanted to forget that Jimmy had followed a girl all way from California to Massachusetts. She ignored the thought of _I wish I had been that girl_. She could've been, probably. He might have at least met her in Boston after his internship if she would've just allowed him to, if she would have let him in when he had knocked on her proverbial door.

It never would have worked, though. She knew that deep down. They fought too much, they were too alike to get along. She had unresolved issues and he was an asshole most of the time. He would do well with someone who was sweet and strong, unwavering. Someone who could roll with the punches. Someone who could stand by his side as he created a life that would undoubtedly be rich and fulfilling. That certainly wasn't her. She was too busy trying to figure out the shit in her own life to be present in his.

So she just nodded and Annabelle gripped her hand, pulling her into the strange apartment. They only stayed for a little while to dance to the pounding music before calling it night and Cindy was happy to be tucked back into her, though she was too wired and panicked to sleep. She wanted to talk to Libby but it was far too late.

"Hey," Annabelle whispered from across the dark room. Cindy was surprised that she was still awake. "You up?"

"Yeah."

"That guy from earlier...did you two used to be together?"

"No...not officially. Not really, I mean. Why?"

"You just had the weirdest look on your face. The look that I always feel when I see an ex that I still have feelings for."

"I never dated him," Cindy said firmly.

"Well. For the record, I still think you should date my brother."

And just like that, she was asleep. Cindy rolled her eyes and grabbed her phone, intending on texting the brother himself.

 _We made it home safe. Sorry for being lame and leaving so early._

He replied almost immediately. _Don't sweat it. Your presence, while short-lived, was appreciated by all._

She snorted. Another text came in. _You might want to get a restraining order for Collin's friend. He was asking for your number._

Her heart skipped a beat or seven. _Did you give it to him?_

 _Nah. He can ask you himself. Something tells me that he doesn't deserve you._

That nearly made her laugh aloud. She told him goodnight and sincerely hoped that Jimmy wouldn't start invading her life again. As badly as she missed home, she didn't miss it enough to risk being hurt again by him.

She forced herself to take deep breaths until she was able to drift off to sleep. There was still a chance that she may never see Jimmy again. So, maybe she wouldn't go to Austin's anymore. That was not ideal but she didn't have a better idea.

She tried not to think about how happy it made her that he wanted her number...and how she secretly wished Austin had given it to him.

-0-0-0-0-0-

 **Please review!**

 **Replies to reviews for my other stories will happen soon, by the way. Life is so busy. Thanks for reading!**


	5. homemade dynamite

**Many of you are asking for Jimmy's POV. I'm not opposed to it at all, but it would be something you guys would see later on, not necessarily anytime soon. I never planned on writing his POV for this story but I'm always open to suggestions and my stories/plotlines change often!**

 **I am not super happy with this chapter, but it's been sitting in my doc manager for weeks now, waiting for me to edit and post and so I finally did. I miss writing and updating more often. I promise that an update for The Crown is in the works...it shouldn't be too much longer now. Thank you for all the kind reviews and continued patience!**

 **Normal Girl**

"So, I couldn't help but notice something," Annabelle said to Cindy the next morning.

"What's that?" She probably didn't need to ask. She was pretty sure she knew what was coming next.

"That boy from last night from your hometown. Collin's lab partner. You looked really freaked out," she said. "I'm assuming it was because of him. What's up with that?"

"We...uh...have a little bit of history. Not really a big deal."

"Ex-boyfriend or something?"

"Or something."

Jimmy Neutron and her relationship - or non-relationship, as it was - with him was hard to describe. People like Libby or even Sheen and Carl could understand it because they'd grown up with it. People like Annabelle, an outsider, probably wouldn't get it no matter how hard Cindy tried to explain it.

Annabelle gave her a suspicious look like she knew there was more to the story and Cindy sighed.

"We were just friends but we had our...moments. Actually, I really liked him. But there was always something getting in the way." _There,_ she thought. _That should satisfy her_.

Her roommate nodded sagely as if that explanation had made perfect sense. "I suppose we all have those kind of people in our lives at one point or another. Do you still like him?"

"Don't ask the hard-hitting questions, or anything," Cindy said sarcastically, uncomfortable with the question.

"Don't deflect or anything."

"Very funny. I don't like him. I'm actually pretty pissed at him and I was hoping that I wouldn't ever run into him."

"Well, hate is certainly not the opposite of love."

Cindy lobbed a pillow off her bed at the other girl. "Cut it out. I don't want to talk about him anymore. He doesn't exist anymore, okay? I'm indifferent."

Annabelle raised her hands up in a defensive gesture. "Fine, fine. But if you're anything like me, you'll sink down into denial and let it get the best of you. It tends to sneak up on you."

"What do you mean?"

She grabbed the pillow that had just been thrown at her and hugged it to her chest. "Let's just say I've been 'indifferent' towards a 'friend' before too. It didn't end well."

"I'm sorry," Cindy said. "Do you ever see him?"

"No. But that's a good thing. He was around when my mom died and...I thought he could save me with just his presence. I thought if he loved me that it would fix everything that was going wrong."

Cindy leaned back on the wall her bed rested against, feeling the cold of the concrete seep through her shirt. "What happened?" She asked quietly.

Annabelle looked down. "I trusted him enough not to leave me when I needed someone the most. But he did anyway."

Cindy had no way of knowing if her situation was similar to Annabelle's, but what she was saying sounded eerily familiar. She'd never considered herself dependent on Jimmy in that way because he was never her boyfriend. In the end, hadn't she been dependent on his presence, though? She had hoped he would always be around. At the very least, she had expected to see him at graduation. She thought they would keep in contact through time and long distances. Now the boy she had grown up and the boy that kissed her in his bathroom felt like a ghost.

The two girls were silent, almost solemn, for the rest of the day. She received a text later that night from Austin, asking her to get coffee with him. Nowhere in that next mentioned Annabelle. She thought she must be crazy for thinking about going on a potential date with someone when she should be focused on school; her new friend's brother no less!

She felt crazier for hanging on to the memory of a boy that obviously had no real feelings for her. So she accepted the invitation.

-0-0-0-0-0-

It took three months, six days, and seventeen hours into Cindy's first semester at Harvard to officially be reunited with Jimmy Neutron. She didn't count the incident at Austin's party because she was utterly embarrassed by the whole thing. It couldn't have been worse timing for her. She had hoped that if she saw Jimmy in the future, she would seem poised, confident, and beautiful. The image would make him regret turning her into the girl that got away. Instead she had been drunk and meek.

So in her mind, the event never happened.

She saw him again at a mixer for Harvard students to interact and network with professors, alums, and some of the most highly-paid business owners from Boston. It was a more formal event, made for those who were seeking out future internships or part-time jobs that would boost their resumes.

Cindy tried to take the whole thing seriously, but Annabelle was making it hard. She kept whispering throughout the keynote speaker's presentation, and when she found out alcohol was being served to the professors and older attendees, she made it her mission to get served even while underage.

That was when Cindy noticed Jimmy and of course...Eleanor. It was after the big presentation and everyone was chatting, drinking, and rubbing elbows. The pair was speaking with an older man. She was suddenly grateful that she took extra time to get ready. She was wearing a simple burgundy colored dress that fell just above her knees, and she'd forced her short hair into a wavy style. She didn't look like a hot mess. No drink had been spilled on her. She was completely sober. But, she was wandering around alone because Annabelle had taken off somewhere and felt vulnerable.

She decided to turn and walk in the opposite direction of the genius lest they make eye contact, and she ran straight into her roommate in the process, who pressed a slim flute of bubbling champagne into her hand.

"How did you get these?" Cindy asked, taking a sip hesitantly.

"I sweet talked a waiter into being my personal slave for the evening. I told him if he's lucky we can have a quickie in the bathroom later," Annabelle whispered. Cindy almost inhaled the drink instead of drinking it, causing her to cough a little. "Don't worry, we can jet out of here before that happens."

"No matter what happens I don't plan on sticking around for that."

"Hey! Look who it is!" Annabelle pointed towards Jimmy and Eleanor. Cindy turned her head to look at them without thinking and made instant eye contact with Jimmy.

"Don't point! It's rude," she said while shoving Annabelle's hand down. She quickly started to formulate an escape plan but it was far, far too late. She resisted the urge to chug her champagne as she realized that the couple was walking over to them.

"Well hello," Annabelle cooed, eyeing Jimmy. Eleanor had a soft, pleasant smile on her face. "I don't think you've properly introduced your little friend here."

"I'm Jimmy," he said politely, and Annabelle made a big show of shaking his hand and grinning almost evilly. Cindy wanted to roll her eyes despite how panicked she was feeling.

"What brings you two over to our neck of the woods?" Annabelle asked.

"One of our professors was a speaker tonight and invited us to attend. I've been wanting to see Harvard's campus for awhile," Jimmy replied.

Annabelle gasped. "We should give you guys a tour!"

"Are you one of the tour guides here?" Eleanor asked naively and Cindy tried not to laugh. This was the girl Jimmy chose to date? How was she keeping up with him?

"No, honey, I'm much better. I can show you all of the secret trap doors."

Eleanor's eyes went wide in an owlish look; one that Cindy assumed was a frequent one on her face.

"There aren't any trap doors," Cindy spoke up. "Don't let her scare you."

"James mentioned you two went to high school together," Eleanor changed the subject smoothly. Cindy's head spun a little at the word James. Oh god.

"That we did," she said shortly. "Nearly all four years of it."

That had been a petty comment to make, but no one seemed affected by it, even Jimmy. Annabelle was eyeing the waiter carefully.

"I'm making another champagne run." Jimmy and Eleanor's eyes seemed to zone in on the flutes the two girls were holding. Cindy nudged her roommate in the side and Annabelle giggled. "Ha! That was a joke. It's just sparkling grape juice. Anyone up for a drink?"

To Cindy's horror, Eleanor agreed to go along and followed in the taller girl's confident footsteps towards the bar. She was alone now. With Jimmy. Or...James. Whoever the hell he was now.

"That's not sparkling grape juice, is it?" He asked, eyeing her glass.

"Not at all."

"How's life treating you at Harvard?"

 _Well for starters_ , Cindy thought. _It's really lonely. I don't enjoy my classes and I think I'm in the wrong major. Hell, I think I'm in the wrong school or, maybe even the wrong state. I've only made one friend and she's certifiably crazy just like me, which isn't as comforting as one would think. I miss my mom, Libby, and I wish my dad would wake up so life can go back to the way it was before._

That's what she wanted to say, but this was her moment to prove to him that she was doing great. So great that she didn't give thought to him during her daily life. So great that she didn't even care that he had left her to give a speech all by herself without warning.

"It's amazing. I love being here," she lied her ass off. "How was your internship?"

He seemed surprised that she asked. "It was definitely interesting. I learned a lot."

This was _too_ weird. Too normal. She was supposed to be indifferent. She was supposed to never see him again! Cindy kept her eyes on Annabelle, wishing that she would hurry up and come back. She wanted to be saved from the awkward situation.

"You know, you're a hard person to track down."

She finally looked at him fully. They were up close and personal and she could finally see that he didn't look so different than when she'd last seen him at his going away party the year before. Memories from the night flitted through her mind and she pushed them away. If she didn't know any better, she would say that he looked nervous. Not a usual look for the boy genius.

"Why do you say that?" She asked innocently.

"That's mostly why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you and hoped you would be here."

She was shocked at his reply and she didn't see an ounce of dishonesty in his eyes. Her cheeks felt warm and she didn't know if it was from his intense look or the champagne.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asked.

"Actually, there's a lot…" he trailed off as he looked up and saw Annabelle walking towards them quickly with Eleanor in tow.

"The waiter is trying to cash in on our deal," she said in a hushed voice. "Can we leave? Let's go to Austin's."

Cindy just nodded, still reeling from her short time alone with the unnerving boy next to her.

"You guys coming?" Annabelle asked the other two.

"We really shouldn't leave early when we had a special invite," Eleanor said uneasily, cutting her eyes to Jimmy.

"I'm sure Hector won't mind," he said. "We can go tell him goodbye. Meet you guys outside?"

Once outside of the stifling atmosphere of the ballroom, Annabelle turned to Cindy with a wide-eyed look. "Man, that was rough. I swear I could cut the tension between you and Texas Two with a knife."

"You really oughta come up with a better nickname for him. And I can't believe you invited them along with us. I'm going home."

Annabelle sighed. "Please don't leave me! I'll never survive."

"You owe me big time for this. I get to bail early."

"Fine. And what would you suggest I call him, anyway? I thought Texas Two was pretty clever."

"You could try calling him Nerdtron or fudge-head."

When Jimmy and Eleanor joined them outside with the latter looking just a little grumpy, her roommate busied herself with requesting an Uber.

"I hope you're all prepared for a wild night," Annabelle said. "Annabelle, Texas, Eleanor and Nerdtron out on the town."

The scathing look Jimmy sent Cindy was enough to make her entire night.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Jimmy gallantly let Eleanor have the front seat and unfortunately, Cindy got the middle back seat. He hissed in her ear as he followed her into the car, "Nerdtron? Really?"

So maybe it was childish, but it made her feel better. She was still angry at him, and no one could say that Cindy Vortex couldn't hold a grudge. It was one of her many, many talents. She just smirked at him in response.

She was happy to be going to Austin's. His friends were energetic and rowdy but nice, and Austin always greeted her with that welcoming crooked smile. It was enough to make her worries dissipate for the moment - unfortunately for tonight her highest cause of worry was following her into the apartment.

Luckily, Collin was there to distract Jimmy and Eleanor and Austin was already pouring Cindy a drink. She could do this.

"I thought you two had some hoity-toity social event happening tonight?" The older Glenn sibling asked. When Annabelle wasn't looking, he sent Cindy a wink and she tried to fight the blush rising on her cheeks. Their coffee date had been pleasant but sort of uneventful. She liked him, but she wasn't sure if that fondness stretched beyond friendship just yet.

"We did but we bounced early," Annabelle answered. "Hope you don't mind we brought some stragglers with us."

She didn't care to find out if it was actually okay, because she was trailing behind Austin's friend Kevin in the next moment, leaving Cindy and Austin in the kitchen alone.

"I see you brought along your stalker."

"He's not my stalker," Cindy replied with a laugh. "He's just...inquisitive."

"I'd say so. Pretty inquisitive for a guy with a girlfriend."

She just shrugged, not really wanting to comment. She was half-afraid they might hear her. "We did go to high school together. Maybe he's feeling nostalgic."

"Give it another few months and high school will feel like a bad dream for you. The nostalgia will go away. Trust me, I've got experience with this," he said, clinking his cup with hers. "I better get out there. I'm in charge of the music because I don't trust these losers to play anything good."

She followed him into the living room hesitantly. Usually she had Annabelle to act as a buffer between her and Austin's friends, who she didn't know on a personal level.

That was how she found herself neck-deep in a conversation with Collin, Jimmy, and Eleanor about the future of space exploration (which she found mind-numbingly boring, and not in a dissociation type of way). It was truly awful. Cindy sort of admired Eleanor. There weren't many women in the aerospace program or ones that could put up with the insufferable egos that she probably dealt with on a daily basis.

She didn't want to be jealous of the tiny girl standing next to her, but unfortunately that was one of Cindy's biggest issues when it came to dealing with other people. She really had no reason to envy Eleanor, right? She was pretty in a wholesome way - not much makeup, long natural hair. The glasses she wore only added to her sort of bookish, nerdy-girl charm. She looked shy but Cindy was learning she was smart as a whip and passionate, too. All good things. She'd yet to stumble upon a bad quality - she got the feeling she was maybe a little uptight, but no one was perfect.

She could also tell Jimmy was awfully fond of her. That was probably the real reason she didn't like the other girl.

"Cindy, what are your majoring in?" Eleanor asked politely, bringing the blonde back down to Earth from her thoughts.

"Neurobiology," she replied.

"Ah, studying the brain. That has to be fascinating."

Cindy didn't really know. It was hard to pay attention in her classes - if she went to them at all. She started to feel more like a fraud than she already did; guilt creeping up on her suddenly. She just nodded.

"What are you planning on doing with that?" Collin asked condescendingly.

"I'm going to med school after I graduate. Sorry that the medical field is so boring to a future astronaut," she said dryly. She heard Jimmy snort quietly into his drink.

"Not so much boring as much as it is too common, too mainstream for me. I understand that medical discoveries are important in their own right. But I can't get excited about anything but being in space one day, or making discoveries about the universe we live in."

Cindy wanted to tell him that his hard-on about space was a little too noticeable, but she thought a crude comment like that wouldn't go over too well. "Been there, done that," she muttered into her drink. Collin kept rambling, not listening to what anyone else was saying at all.

Jimmy seemed to have heard her though, and she could feel herself scooting away from the group she was standing in because of his intense gaze. She mumbled something about going to get another drink and locked herself in the bathroom. She just wanted to go home. Not just to her dorm at Harvard, but _home._ Her home was in Retroville with her parents and Libby and fuck, that meant Jimmy too. But Jimmy was here. Why was she letting him mess with her head so much?

A knock at the door pulled her out of her spiraling thoughts and she opened the door. Annabelle leaned heavily against the doorway and smiled. "Will you come out and dance? Or do you want to go home?"

"I'll come dance," she said shakily. "I just need a minute."

Annabelle winked and disappeared down the hall. Cindy pulled her phone out and sent a text to her best friend. _I miss you. Also, Jimmy is everywhere_.

And because she could count on Libby for pretty much anything, her phone buzzed instantly with a reply. _I miss you more! Give Jimmy a swift kick in the ass for me_.

Cindy laughed and felt a little better. She joined Annabelle in the living room, and she didn't see Jimmy anywhere. She hoped that meant he left and took his straitlaced girlfriend with him.

"Maybe we should play a song dedicated to our southern belle," Austin said casually, loud enough for everyone to hear, and Cindy glared at him. She could only imagine what he was about to play. He interrupted the deep-bass rap song that was playing through the speakers and a lighter, guitar-centric one started playing.

Cindy recognized the tune as an older George Strait song and she was pleasantly surprised. It was a song her parents used to listen to in the car during the days when she was younger and they had still been happy together.

That made her a little sad, but Austin grabbed her hand and spun her in a dramatic move, making her laugh. He and Annabelle danced with her for the entire song and her sadness was swept away easily, and she knew she would have another memory to add to whenever she heard the it. Maybe eventually she wouldn't think about the one that made her sad. She felt pretty lucky to have made two new friends, and that she still had another halfway across the country. She didn't feel lonely. Maybe she could learn to live with Jimmy in the same city as her. Maybe she could even handle some small interactions here and there.

She could do this.

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 _Flashback_

Much to everyone's surprise, even Cindy's, she did end up going to the party with Libby. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. She hadn't slept much in the past couple days. She felt agitated at times and at others, absolutely emotionless. It was an unpleasant rollercoaster of moods. It felt like an eternity had passed since the accident but it had only been two days, and she was exhausted.

There wasn't a single part of her that wanted to socialize with her peers, but she would feel bad if Libby missed the party just because of her. And maybe she would be pleasantly surprised - going to the party might actually make her feel better.

That was highly doubtful, but it couldn't hurt to be optimistic for once.

High school parties weren't events that Cindy usually looked forward to. They always ended up with someone in their friend group puking or a raging hangover the next day. But for once in her life, she looked forward to the dim lighting and insanely loud music. She wasn't going to mind if everyone around her was drunk out of their minds. That meant they would all be distracted. She'd gotten her fair share of curious looks at school and she was already tired of it.

She could nearly feel the tension and pressure to have fun radiating off of Libby and it made Cindy feel like she needed a breather.

"I'm going to get us drinks. Go find Sheen or something."

"Are you sure?" Libby asked worriedly.

"I'm pretty sure I can handle," she replied with a discreet eye roll. "But I'll be sure to send up a smoke signal if I need help."

"Very funny."

She walked into the kitchen, which was empty save for about a hundred empty various liquor and beer bottles. Nick was there, trying to get the last few drops from a bottle of tequila into his mouth. He gave her a lazy smile when he noticed her, and she could tell he was more than a little intoxicated. "'Sup, Vortex."

"Nick. Did you drink the entire county dry?"

"Funny," he said, but he didn't laugh. "I hear there's more booze upstairs. You want to help me bring it down?"

Cindy didn't know what she'd seen in Nick in her younger days. He was attractive, but he wasn't very smart. He was also kind of sleazy. Since he was older, they didn't usually cross paths anymore - and when they did he always seemed to be appraising her...like she was a dead animal and he was a butcher, ready to slice her up.

So she didn't fancy the idea of going upstairs with him, but the promise of alcohol outweighed the small amount of time she would have to spend with him. She followed him up the stairs and he led her into a dark, empty bedroom. In the same moment was when awareness and dread prickled at the back of her neck, and she took a large step back, almost out of the room completely. "I doubt it's in here."

He just shook his head and placed a hand around her forearm, pulling her closer.

She was able to dodge his kiss as he pounced on her suddenly, but his lips were planted on her neck instead. His hands were roaming along her waist, just shy of her breasts, and she felt frozen in fear. How had she not seen this coming sooner? Nick was notorious for his drunken hookups. She couldn't just let this happen though - despite her childhood crush on him which had faded completely as they grew older, she wasn't even close to wanting this to happen.

It felt like she was swimming - or maybe more like drowning. She couldn't really breathe and her vision was slightly blurry.

"Don't touch me," she finally said, pushing him hard enough that his back hit the door with a thud. His eyes were wide with surprise.

"You're fucking crazy!" Nick high-tailed it out of the bedroom, leaving her alone to deal with the aftermath of her emotions.

She despised Nick but he wasn't wrong. She felt crazy. She also wanted to go home, she just needed to find a ride. She walked out of the bedroom and ran straight into someone else.

"Sorry," she said before seeing it was Jimmy. "Get out of my way Neutron."

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at her oddly. That's when she realized that she probably looked a mess - hair askew and shirt twisted. But he wasn't looking at any of that, just at her face. That was when she felt it; her cheeks were slightly damp as she touched her own cheek. She was crying and in front of someone who really shouldn't see her doing it.

"Nick is just an ass, that's all," she said dismissively, wiping her face quickly. "Do you know where Libby is? I need to go home."

"What did Nick do to you?" He asked, his voice taking on a hardened edge she had never heard before.

"He didn't do anything."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're lying to me?"

"Oh my god, let it go okay?"

"Cindy, you're crying. Obviously something happened."

As if she needed the reminder.

"If you're not going to tell me where Libby is then you can at least get out of my way so I can find her."

She knew why he wouldn't let it go, though. Her hands were shaking and she didn't know what was wrong with her. Nick was probably harmless. He was an asshole, and he apparently didn't understand boundaries, but she could easily take him down if she had to. So she knew she wasn't scared of him, but she was deeply starting to regret going to the party in the first place.

"Last I knew Libby was in the backyard."

"Now was that so hard? Thanks Nerdtron."

She went downstairs, leaving Jimmy alone in the darkened hallway in search of Libby. She found her best friend talking to Sheen and Carl and noticed immediately that her best friend was definitely too intoxicated to drive.

"Are you okay, girl?" Libby asked.

"I'm okay. Just tired. Can one of you drive me home?" She asked the two boys.

"Probably shouldn't," Sheen said. "Jimmy's our DD. If you can find him you should ask him."

Cindy bit back a curse. There was no way he would agree to that since she'd just yelled at him, but he seemed to be her only option at the moment. There was a chance that she might have to swallow her pride and even apologize. Fantastic.

Libby have her a suffocating hug before she went back inside and found Jimmy walking down the stairs.

"Please tell me you're sober," she said.

"Do you need to breathalyze me?" he replied and she rolled her eyes. "Why?"

"I need a ride," she answered, and left the statement hanging with the implication that he should be the one to drive her home. To her relief, he got the hint.

"Let's go then."

The ride home was mostly quiet, and Cindy expected it to stay that way. She was surprised to hear Jimmy's voice cutting through the thick silence when they were nearly halfway to her house.

"I'm surprised you wanted to go to the party tonight," he said casually.

"Why are you surprised?"

He cut his eyes to her, and she knew he was probably looking at the paper-white bandage peeking through the end of her sleeve and the row of healing stitches barely hidden by her hair. "...really?"

"I thought it might be fun, and Libby kept saying she wasn't going unless I was going too. I didn't want her to miss it."

"I'm sure she wouldn't have cared to miss it."

"What are you trying to say, Neutron? Did my presence put a damper on your good time?"

He looked frustrated and that meant they were only seconds away from a full blown fight.

"That's not what I'm saying," he said calmly, not fully taking the bait. She didn't reply. She just wanted him to stop talking and at the same time she dreaded the car ride being over. She didn't want to sit inside her empty, sad feeling house. At least if she was fighting with Jimmy then she wasn't thinking about other unpleasant things.

"I'm just trying to say that I'm sorry. I'm glad you're okay."

Am I okay? She thought, but she could take the statement for what it was.

"Thank you, Jimmy."

They were at a red light, and he leaned over suddenly and laid a soft kiss on her cheek. Unlike the experience she'd had with Nick at the party, with this kiss she felt calm but thrilled in a good way. She didn't dare move lest he take his attention off of her, although she wanted to turn her head and kiss him for real. _Bad idea_ , she told herself. He was still dating Betty.

A car behind them honked and he sat back. The light was green.

The rest of the car ride was actually silent, and she thanked him again before he left to go back to the party to pick up their drunk friends. Her house was quiet and she knew her mom was at the hospital. She felt a little bad for not being there, too, and told herself she would be there first thing in the morning.

She would be prepared for her test and anything school could throw at her come Monday. Life would return to normal; now if only her dad would wake up and make everything better.

But she didn't feel better by Monday. She took the test and barely got an A, which was unheard of in her world. By lunchtime there was news going around about Nick's mysterious swollen, black eye that he received sometime over the weekend. He wouldn't tell anyone how he got it but in Cindy's heart she knew who gave it to him. She knew without even looking at Jimmy's hand (she did anyway out of curiosity) to see if it had the tell tale signs of punching someone. She never told anyone else what happened at the party between her and Nick - not even Libby. There was a quiet understanding between her and Jimmy. She knew he would never admit that he had punched Nick and he probably knew she would never ask.

A younger, less jaded Cindy might have confronted him. A younger Jimmy might not have punched Nick in the first place.

More than anything, she felt grateful. Other than Libby she didn't know a single person who would stick up for her like that. It was unexpected to say the least.

It was the first time after the accident that she realized that things wouldn't be returning to normal. It wasn't just the physical components of her life that had changed - it was her friendships, family dynamic, and...herself, too.

End flashback

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 **Next up: Cindy's date with Austin, a flashback including Jimmy, Cindy, AND Betty, and we get to see a well-loved character!**


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